The reason I never took medication is dead simple. I was scared.
I used to think that using psych meds meant risking my sanity, so why push my luck?
Sounds dumb now but that’s what my mind screamed at the height of my nervous sickness.
There was also the issue of control. Actually, I still have control issues.
I like to be in control – always have. When I’m in a car, I drive. When I’m on an airplane, I wish like hell that I could drive.
So back in the day the more I felt anxiety the more I craved control of my environment and everything in it. It made me feel safe.
But it was also that need for control that clashed hard with any kind of risk taking – even the kind that helps.
In the end, I regret not trying anti-anxiety medications because they could have reduced my suffering.
To help me explain why I never used anti-anxiety medications and how that impacted my life I produced a short podcast.
Take a moment to listen and comment below.
And if you’re feeling particularly kind share this podcast on Facebook or Twitter.
Well, in some ways it’s for the best. perhaps you wouldn’t have experienced the same journey to being able to help others? Sorry to sound selfish but you’ve done so much for us, you know? Plus I’ve more or less quit benzos – too much addictive potential, and they seem to slow down my bounceback time when I hit a rough patch.
I do take an ssri, though. it doesn’t completely eliminate the anxiety but when it does hit me I don’t feel nearly as hopeless and it helps me sleep, too,which of course is so important.
I totally get the fear and control thing. I was terrified of the potential side effects of the ssri, but for me there are virtually none.
I love to help others but I wish I hadn’t experienced what I did. It wasn’t a good thing.
Glad to hear that the ssri was helpful to you Sheila, even if it’s not exactly perfect, sounds like it has done some good.
It’s interesting, we definitely react more emotionally when we deal with our anxiety head-on, without medication. I’m just starting to take an SSRI right now and I hope it works. I reacted horribly to them a few years ago so I’m crossing my fingers.
Will listen to this podcast son!
I’ve been listening/reading your web site material for some years now, and somehow in a past year or so I felt a slight shift in a way you talk about anxiety and related issues (maybe it’s just my perception though). It’s hard to explain: it feels like there’s less of emotional involvement and compassion, more talk about meds, stuff like that. Please don’t get me wrong, but it seems that working in the field has changed your perspective somehow.
Hey Irena, I think that’s a fair take. My views have definitely shifted. However, I don’t think that encouraging people to consider medications is a less emotional approach.
I simply have a different perspective that if anything is more well rounded.
I still feel tremendous empathy for anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or any other issue.
I still try and connect with people on an emotional level and to be honest explaining my fears around using meds was emotional for me.
So I hope that simply because I work in the field that I somehow have grown cold in anyway. That certainly is not the case.
Thank you all for sharing your insights!
Paul, I just listened to your podcast. I sat through the entire thing shaking my head, going, “Yup, yup. I know what he means.” You pretty much described my journey with anxiety over the past 25 years or so. I used to use benzos every once in a while when I just couldn’t take it anymore, but as you said, I wasn’t living my life. I didn’t want to go anywhere out of my comfort zone (home). People didn’t under my fear of flying – I was afraid of crashing. In fact, if the panic attack was bad enough, I might have even opted for crashing. It was about control, or lack thereof.
My mom died of a brain tumor. It was 18 months of hell for her and for everyone who loved her. After she died, my anxiety was so bad I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. My brother (who also suffers from anxiety at times) persuaded me to go to counseling. It was the best thing I ever did. After a while my counselor suggested that I might want to try an SSRI, because even though counseling had done a world of good, I was still having too much anxiety to live a happy life. I felt like I had already wasted about 20 years, and didn’t want to wake up one day at 80 years of age and wish I had tried medication.
I started an SSRI about 2-1/2 years ago, and it has literally given me my life back. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, but I’m on a very low dosage, and I actually enjoy doing things again. I look forward to things with excitement, something I hadn’t done since I was about 20. My therapist also said that sometimes there can be a chemical component to anxiety, which mad sense. My mom also suffered from anxiety, as did two of her sisters. Genetic? Who knows.
Sorry this is so long, but I was just so motivated to write after listening to the podcast. Thanks so much for everything you post, and good luck with your career helping others. If I could have had a doctor/and or therapist who had really dealt with anxiety themselves, I think it would have made a world of difference. 🙂
I disagree Paul. You should be glad you did not take any anti-medication drugs. Yes, they could have eased the symptoms, but they could have also done damage that could have taken months and years to recover from. I was on Paxil for 17 years. I was told it was non addictive and safe, and that I could come off of it at anytime. I did, and I cam off too fast and had a severe reaction and discontinuation syndrome. For about 6 months, I was on the worst ride of my life and thought I would most certainly die. I am doing better now, but the pain and suffering involved, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Even now, I have some minor issues and pray no permanent damage was done. I wish I had known more about therapy options then, as well as how effective exercise was before I put on all of this weight.
No, you did the right thing by staying off the medication.
Hi Paul!
I tottaly understand. Last year, after stopping my SSRI and the anxiety returned full force, I had developed some sort of meds phobia too from reading forums and litening to the ” anti-drug” propaganda. Truth is, like you said, they are not perfect but they help a lot of people and there is no shame in taking them. I’m almost back to normal now, after almost a whole year of terrible setbacks. I am one of those who could not hold on without the medication. All the nutrition, yoga and meditation in the world could not save me. Those things help, but they do not help enough. That’s my take on it anyways. Thanks again for your meaningful work. You also helped me a lot.
Hi Tony, Good to hear from you! You know, I definitely hear what you’re saying. That’s why I let folks know that there is risk involved. I think your situation happens to a certain percentage of people and there’s no getting around the fact that sometimes drug do harm. But like others have pointed out other options like therapy, exercise and so on, simply aren’t enough in every case.
I truly feel that the ultimate solution to abnormal anxiety is rooted in changing ones thoughts and addressing what ultimately amounts to an emotional issue. I’m glad I was able to come out the other side on this front, I just wish I would have allowed myself short-term relief while I worked on my issues.
I’m glad you’re doing better!
Hi. I took the same drug and coming off it was terrible. But it was not the drug that did that; it was the anxiety returning. I was also quite scared by the stuff you can read on paxil on the web, but I think a lot of it is paranoia from people who could use some type of drug to calm that down a little.
😉
Turns out whatever damage paxil does to my body, anxiety is much worst. So I’m happy to return to the drug I quit and never look back because the alternative is too horrible to stand.
I know anxiety doesn’t ”kill”, but living with it constantly can really do a number on the body. I think therapy does help but it’s not magic. Nothing is magic in fact. But I’m glad the drugs exist because even if they are not magic, they saved me.
Short, sweet, and to the point. Nice Paul.
I went through a setback a few weeks back. The only thing that made it bearable was the Lorazepam. I would not have been able to drive to work without it. I felt like crap taking the meds, but once I spoke to my mental health provider at the VA, he eased my mind when he told me that I should take the medication until I’m able to control the anxiety, and that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of taking medication. I actually felt like crap today, so I took a Lorazepam just to ease the sensations. I believe I can overcome GAD without medication, but I’ve been proven wrong to date. But I will continue to fight the good fight in the hopes I can live medication-free one day
YEs, life was hell for you Paul, but you came out on top. It worked for you. I hope I can overcome this nightmare soon. Until then, I have the pills at the ready in case my day goes from bad to worse. No shame in my game.
Keep up the good work Paul. You’ve helped alot of us, and we continue to need your words of wisdom.
Hi
Despite what I wrote before, the fear of SSRI’s is still in my and I recently met someone who told me that my terrible physical symptoms of the past year might actually be from stopping and restarting the meds. That person is a new therapist and supposedly an expert anxiety-wise. My regular therapist and I thought an expert could have some pointers. Not only did she NOT have anything new, she suggested that I didn’t even have GAD. So the Expert now is contradicting my doctor, another doctor I met, my therapist and a psychiatrist I saw just to make sure I had GAD. Is the expert wrong? or is she right and everyone else has been wrong all along?
As you can imagine, since I met that person, I and confused and my anxiety, or whatever it is, is quite high.
But I’m still alive. I just want this horrible sensations to stop. Having everyone agree made me feel a bit better and that I was on the right track. Having doubts evoked that mimic mine brings back fears I had overcome. It seams that it’s all up to guessing now, to ”what ifs” and ”maybes”.
Urgh…
Sarah
Great little post!
I never took meds as i didn’t want to be stuck on them for the rest of my life.
Instead i used therapy and other ‘self help’ methods.
I have just got into juicing after reading articles about certain juices that help relieve stress, help with anxiety and detox. Can only try it aye? xox
child abuse survivor’s positivity blog;
thelittlestladyxo.blogspot.co.uk
SSRIs stop pulling out my hair but nothing else. Had traumatic time withdrawing. Anti anxiety medication just made me feel drowsy. Didnt help me with sicial anxiety etc at all. Like taking a placebo. Don’t want to spend my life sleeping. People I know have got agoraphobia from becoming addicted to Valium so made them worse.
I’m trying mindfulness now.
Medication made me feel normal again. That and faith in God. That is priceless! Don’ t be afraid to give it a try!
Hi.
This is an interesting subject. Wish I could have read this article when my psychiatrist was pushing me to try anti-depressants. I couldn’t take them, also. And I guess it is about control issues.
But by not taking medicine for my anxiety, I learned a great secret: the power to heal was inside me all along.
Of course, it took so long to get to where I am today. (maybe with medicine it would have taken less time..?)
Long term psychotherapy was my cure.
Of course, medicine can help others who really need and want to give it a go.
Thanks for this article!
I tried everything in fight with anxiety apart of medicine. I tried natural medicine yes but no pharmaceutical . I suffered , really suffered for 8 months i had anxiety daily at the level of 10. Nothing worked i made me very sick and very depressed . I have tried and read all that is about anxiety. I felt like I know it all.
Well I got better , slowly but I am better so much better. The anxiety still there at times but nothing compared to what it was like. I changed my life – start exercising , eating healthy etc.and I got out in 90 %. I still have a box of Valium at home that was prescribed to me and always keep them in case of emergency but never took one and hope that I will never have to.