I want to ask you an important question. And that is: Why are you stuck? What is it about your experience with abnormal anxiety that’s made it difficult to overcome?
I know that for me it was the sense that anxiety symptoms would somehow hurt me, either physically or mentally. I had a hard time convincing myself that anxiety wasn’t dangerous. But, in time, I learned how to defeat this pattern. So I wrote about it.
My new eBook, The Big Idea, deals with this important problem. The problem I’m talking about is resistance. Resistance to information, advice, even intuition, that all tell you that you’re going to be OK.
For several reasons you haven’t been able to link what you know with how you feel. In short, you haven’t been able to accept your abnormal anxiety. I’d like to know why.
As part of my eBook launch I’m going to do a podcast about resistance, acceptance, and the role that both these forces play in your high anxiety.
I want to get a good idea of what you think is keeping you where you are right now, so I can discuss issues that will resonate and provide important insights.
Then, I’m going to give up to 5 luck y readers a free copy of my new eBook for providing awesome answers.
OK, I admit that is a bribe, but the question is important, so I don’t mind. I want you to start thinking about your situation in a new way. The hope is that this will also cause you, and others, to think about new solutions.
It’s too easy, and not all that productive, to only ask, “How can I stop palpitations?” That question does have merit, but in the big scheme of things it’s the wrong question to focus on.
OK, with that, take a few minutes to provide your answer in the comments section below. And remember, you can use a fake name, give a short answer, a long answer, use humor, whatever.
The important part, is that you think about your answer. Look inside yourself and be honest. After everything you’ve done, read, and asked: Why do you stay anxious?
Note: Please provide a valid email address when you comment so that if you win I can send the eBook to the right place. Good luck!
Update
Just want to let you know that entries will only be accepted until Monday March, 5 2012.
I also want to thank everyone that has posted a response so far. Your answers have been insightful and filled with useful information for someone who is struggling to understand abnormal anxiety.
Update
Alright, the winners are in! And they are, in no particular order…
NM
Brian
Linda
Sylvia
Jo
Congratulations to you all. I hope you enjoy the eBook. Your entries all spoke to the issue of why people stay anxious in a concise but meaningful way. It just shows that anxiety can affect all of us in different ways, while keeping us in the same place. Great insights.
I also want to thank everyone that sent in an entry, I appreciate the thought and effort put in each one.
And don’t forget that my eBook will be offered at a discount for those on my email list. If you’re not already signed up, just head over to the top right of this site and enter your first name and email address.
I think I stay anxious because the power of the negative thought regarding a symptom is greater than the knowledge and information I have to the contrary. My anxiety stems from a fear of being happy…equating happiness with dying. If I’m TRULY happy then that means I’m going to die (diagnosed with a fatal illness, etc.) When not in the grip of the anxiety I am rational and can see things for what they are. It’s tying the rationality to the hitch of the trigger for anxiety that seems tricky. Perhaps the best I can hope for is knowing that I will always struggle and be susceptible to the slippery slope of anxiety however, I can control how long I stay in that place. I can bombard myself with rationality until my higher self takes over.
I think I just recently found out what keeps me anxious. This last weekend, I was feeling great with no anxiety, no worry and it was nice. But then I started to think about it…why was I unanxious? It felt weird. Being anxious is what I’m used to, it’s pretty much a habit, and sitting there with my brain all quiet and calm was a lot for me to take. It’s a nice feeling but it’s scary too. When I’m unanxious I feel like I’ve let my guard down…whatever happens, happens. My other issue with being unanxious is that I have a tendency to equate worrying about my family, my health, or my job to caring about those things, so when I’m not worried I start worrying that I don’t care! So, I do consider myself a lot better than I was, I am still struggling with these two barriers from time to time.
why do i stay anxious? sigh. if only i knew. i really think it’s just because my brain is wired to be this way. therefore i get the fun of dealing with anxiety. 🙂 i was able to keep myself in balance for a few years, but now back in school in an intense program and i’m floundering. back to the therapist, yoga, walking, breathing exercises and at times, ativan. sigh.
I have to agree with Stephanie. In the past I have wondered, “what would I do if I weren’t anxious?” It sounds so strange but for us it is reality. I am getting so much better at letting go and going with the flow – after several minutes of playing the “what’s the worst that can happen” game with myself. I feel better if I think about how to react to the worst scenarios and then get on with my day. Everything happens for a reason.
Tai Chi was a great way for me to center myself and have confidence.
I think a lot of my anxiety comes from the knowledge that I have close family history of depression and anxiety in my family tree so I just feel it is hard to break the mold. When I go back in my mind to my childhood as I remember is a mother who was being treated for the disorder and letting us children see how miserable she was and reminding us it was in our genes….I feel I don’t have the power to break the mold…
For me first it took lot of time to agree that I have an anxiety disorder. Even after meeting doctor and all they confirmed that I dont have any other issue except that extreme anxiety, didnt beleive it. After understanding it and reading self help sites like yours and claires book and video slowly started accepting it but than again it was a big hurdle initially to understand what does “accepting” mean. Few days it will be allright and then sudden one day anxiety booms and all the learnings are gone and back to square one. It is again a big task and need to start again from scratch.
I beleive what is keeping my anxiety alive is the fact that I am constantly checking how I am. peeping in my mind constantly to see whether the anxiety animal is still there. When I am busy I dont do all this scanning and checking but as soon as I am idle the show of checking and peeping starts and it really troubles and take lot of my time or I waste lot of time in it and sucks my energy and keep it alive.
I stay anxious due to pressures I put on myself.
I believe my anxiety is related in general to fear. I know that fears roots can be from a multitude of triggers. My sister as a toddler falling off a ledge at Mt Shasta, a bush catching her, dad climbing down to get her, my younger brother deciding he wanted to climb down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I have no memory of that visit, I was 9 yrs old then). My mom always had a fear of heights. I think I had my fears under control. I, at one time was able to cross bridges, etc, (I drove from one coast to the other in the 80s and early 90s.) In the late 80s, I went to nursing school, my son almost died and I lost my husband (I was alone for the first time in my life), had to fight the VA, and lost my home,was in a car accident, then 10 yrs later I cared for my mom as she passed away. I think these major losses which felt never ending triggered and perpetuated my current fear of heights, bridges,freeways, being alone,health, etc. I spent lots of money on therapy, it helped me to see things from my past in a different way, it did not help my anxiety. I think my current anxiety is like a habit, one that I have not been able to break. I’ve noticed when the stress levels raise, so does the anxiety. For a while,I was able to drive over bridges, up and down I-99 in Ca with minimal fear after mom passed. The stress levels at work and with my dad became difficult and I had a panic attack crossing the Feather river bridge (a narrow 2 lane bridge that is high) I had to have a friend come and drive me back across it. I’ve tried therapy, hypnotherapy,acupuncture, yoga,massage, scoured the internet, read many books. I think retraining the brain not to react as it does may be a step in the right direction for me. I need to figure out how will work best for me. I think it is natural to resist something that makes you feel bad, or that scares you. Acceptance is or appears to be a difficult step. I do believe, for me, resisting only makes it stronger. I know this, and believe it to be true, so why am I not accepting it?
I wish I understood why I can’t make the connection between what I know is true and what I feel. I have read and read, and I know in my brain that the palps can’t and won’t ever hurt me. After all I’ve had them for over 40 years, and I’m still here. But, for whatever reason, whenever they start all I can think is MAKE THEM STOP! I am an intelligent person, heck I’m a member of Mensa. But something in me, maybe it’s as simple as survival instinct, keeps telling me that my heart shouldn’t bounce around like that. And since I have some tinnitus, I can hear my beartbeat a lot of time – so I can’t ignore it – even in public situations, where I would never reach up and check my pulse. That said, I do have long stretches of peace. I just wish I could convince myself that even when I’m bouncing around, I’m safe. Maybe that’s it – I never quite feel safe in the world. And that could be because of my folks both being anxious people, or my first husband being emotionally abusive. Wow – I think I just might have had a small breakthrough. Thanks for making me sit down and think about it.
My anxiety comes from…anxiety. I know that sounds weird but hear me out. I know anxiety is not going to hurt me, or harm me in any way. My first panic attack I did think I was dieing, but those feelings are gone. Anxiety is such an uncomfortable feeling for me, that I absolutly dread it. It makes me feel sick, uncofortable, its stops me from enjoying things I like. I can be in a bad funk for a week where I just feel absolutly terrible. Feeling this way actually causes me more anxiety. My main trigger is preformace/social anxiety. So what will happen is when I am about to do something that will trigger anxiety I will be ok, and say to myself, ‘something must be wrong I am not feeling anxiety”. I’ll almost be waiting for it, then, that is what brings it on. Then I will feel it and say, oh great there it is, now I am going to feel terrible, and that will bring on more anxiety. So essentialy I am stuck, because of myself, I bring it on to myself through my thoughts. The key is to learn how to stop these thoughts, that is the hardest part.
I think anxiety stays with me because of intelligence. Let’s face it, most people with this condition are a bit more intelligent and imaginative than most – therefore we can come up with reasons to keep believing something is really wrong. I’ve always been that way. Because of it, I can constantly find something else wrong, or another reason for this, that or the other thing. Anxiety seems to evolve – it can play catch-up and overcome your reasoning. Because of that, it gets progressively harder to manage and “accept” in a reasonable way. It is sometimes just way too easy to believe that it is something other than just a bluff, than just the way we think. I can’t accept the way I feel because it just doesn’t seem to be normal. If it is not normal, then there must be something wrong with me. If doctors can’t identify it, then it must be something unique and off the edge that can only lead to more anxiety. Anxiety sucks.
I have suffered from anxiety for 20 years,I feel anxious all the time.I am frightened to be positive thinking if I do, something bad will happen will never plan anything because feel if I do something will happen to me always thinking about dying and illness need to stop the negative thinking but tried and failed,some days can be ok but again its always hovering in the backround.
Well I think I stay anxious because I feel that my pains, and palpitions are serious. I seem to not entirly believe that I am well. When I get these feelings they seem real. I do get days when I feel normal, so when these feelings return and tend to focus on them, which in turns makes them worse.
I wonder if I will ever be completely free!!!
It seems to me that most of us who are either cured from anxiety, or on the path to freedom from anxiety, have slot of things in common in the direction we traveled to beat this disorder. Myself have suffered from GAD and daily panic attacks for the past year, have started to make a very rapid recovery over the past 2months. We get caught up in the cycle of it all, the common factor is always fear of something, weather it be (as I had) fear of my anxiety symptoms, thinking I may of had a life threatening illness or I would drop dead at any second. I had a hard time believing that all my symptoms were just anxiety, didnt think it was possible. I spent almost every waking minute researching anxiety over the last year, including this site and reading Clair weeks book aswell(massive life saver) along with an extensive list of many other sites and books. And the direction anxiety guru has taken, I can assure everyone that I used the same direction and it is definetly the solution. It is breaking that cycle of fear! The problem is the results are not an instant cure, you need to work on it everyday to continue to seal your freedom from anxiety. What worked for me is, when I had an anxiety symptom I would briefly focus on that symptom and try and make that symptom worse. Once you get a handle on this technic something strange starts to happen, your symptom you were just focasing
Paul, what keeps me stuck in anxiety is the depersonalazation. It scares me to death. I get dizzy and things seem dream like it makes me afraid to go outside. Its like a fog comes over you. Very uncomfortable.
On starts to disappear. Once you realize you have this power over anxiety, it no longer has that grasp over your life and the more you practice the more anxiety melts away from your life.
The other big helps on my road to recovery….
Anxietyguru
Clair weeks- self help for your nerves
The Panic Away program
Anxieties.com
Dr Reid Wilson- Don’t Panic ( 3rd edition)
Dr David D. Burns – when Panic Attacks
All information gathered from these books and websites have contributed to the freedom I now have from anxiety.
This stuff is actually helping thanks
I sometimes wonder why I get anxious sometimes, and I know it’s fear that is feeding it. Most of my anxiety is place related; eg. I can eat in a smaller coffee shop or fast food place, but put me near a fancy restaurant and I get nervous and anxious. Why – I wish I knew – it’s the same thing – eating – just the place is different. The anxiety I felt in one place seems to stick to similar places.
I guess I have to learn not to fear the place; but to realize it’s just anxiety talking and to learn to ignore it.
I read an interesting article a while ago – the difference between adrenalin junkies and us anxious folks is that they get addicted to the feelings the brain chemicals bring, while us anxious people fear those same sensations and run away from them. The sensations are the same; the difference is in the interpretation. They get palpitations, sweating, giddy, and everything else we do, yet they embrace the feelings.
Glad to see you have a new ebook out, and I will look forward to reading it!
I had my first PA 35 years ago. How can ANY thing take this long to ‘cure’ except something so habitually ingrained? I have taken meds off and on ever since my first attack. I wish I had been shown a better way back then to understand and deal with anxiety.Only within the last year or so have I tackled CBT as a serious alternative therapy. I must say, without hesitation, that trying to overcome anxiety disorder without meds is perhaps like having a baby through ‘natural’ childbirth. It’s possible (as evidenced by others) but extremely uncomfortable! The setbacks seem to be even more pronounced and discouraging, as you try to remember the cognitive techniques you’ve learned to intellectually argue your balancing points. One of the great by-products of the past year is learning that researchers and information resource distributors, such as this site, have begun to demystify this disorder and challenge old ways of treatment. It’s estimated that somewhere between 5% and 10% of the general population suffers from some type of anxiety disorder. In the U.S. that’s between 15 million and 30 million people! We’re ALL are waiting for that which would help make us well. Please keep up the good work.
I wish I could provide an insightful answer to this question, because it’s the one area of anxiety where I cannot make progress. I have knowledge and insight gained from years of therapy and reading about anxiety and following sites like yours and books like yours, but I still find myself anxious about situations that I have coped with successfully hundreds of times. I re-listen to your first e-book, hear something, and think “that’s exactly right–that insight should disable my anxiety.” But no dice. Neither my objective knowledge of fight or flight or of adrenaline, nor repeated positive experiences diminish my anxiety one whit. Just this morning I woke up anticipating a day that I knew would go well, and that did go well, and yet my anxiety generator was burning away as if I was going on trial for my life. And the same thing will happen tomorrow. It’s like reality consciousness and anxiety consciousness exist as two different species in me, and they can’t communicate: a flea trying to reassure a rhinoceros.
New solutions……. old thoughts….. now that is a concept. The mind is so wonderful yet so dangerous. How to bridge the gap between the old and the new and have the confidence that it is the right thing to believe. I hope that can happen to me too.
You ask the $million dollar question. I’m from Vegas so I’ll take a gamble on this one. The innate Fight vs. Flight adrenaline rush triggered by abonormal anxiety is an “Ace”. It trumps all other cards in the deck. It trumps the “King” of Congnative Behavior Therapy, it trumps the “Queen” of therapy, it trumps the “Jack” of meditation…you get the idea. If I could only accept the fact that the adrenaline (panic) is natural, and that I don’t need to trump it with something greater than an “Ace”, then I’d be OK. You can’t trump an “Ace”.
I think the reason I’m stuck and constantly feel anxious is that I doubt everything and I’m filled with fear.I fear sensations I feel,I fear death and I fear that it’s something worse than just anxiety.I don’t believe in my diagnose,even though I’ve checked with so many doctors and had done so many blood tests and everything,but still doubt it.My no.1 concern and worry is my throat sensations..I constantly feel something in my throat (it might be tight throat,swollen throat,weird waves,chocking/suffocating feeling,feeling as my throat is closing up all of a sudden..ect..)I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks 11 years for now but was diagnosed that I have GAD and common histerical neurosis a year ago.Before that,all these years I was rushing from doctor to doctor trying to understand what’s wrong with me.It all started after my delivery..I started treating my mixed goiter(as doctors thought I had)as for now I’m healthy,I have NO goiter,no nothing,just this terrible vegetative neurosis..I get all the horrible symptoms of anxiety like numbness,trembling,spasms,ect..even when something good happens(I’m not talking about what happens when bad things happen or when i’m angry or anxious reasonably).I can’t control it at all..
well now it’s much much better,since I had gone through the course of therapy with my psychologist and sicne I got Panic Away book and found YOUR website and alltogether helps tremendously!I’m implementing all the techniques and use advice you give on how to get over it and how to WIN!
BUT
I’m lack of faith..:(((I guess..I just want these symptoms disappear!!!It’s been too long already..I wand to live my life fully.I worry all the time about everything(family,money,future..)
On good days when I feel kind of ‘normal’,I’m steel waiting for something to pop out and start checking in on every part of my body,or telling myself:wow I don’t feel anything in my throat,how weird it feels when you don’t feel anything,maybe it’s not normal,’cuz I can feel how air goes down there and feels cold or hot or whaterever it feels when I concentrate and here it goes.. worrying again..Is it supposed to be like this like normal people experience??uuuugggghhhhh…and of course all of a sudden…BAM…
I’m sure the book will be HUGE HELP and SOLUTION to every one of us!
Thank you
Paul, I’m so thankful that you have challenged us to look deep inside ourselves and pinpoint what keeps our anxiety alive. I think its uncanny that you’ve used the word “resistance” because I have come to realize that its resistance in and of itself that invites my anxiety in for a visit from time to time. The problem is, I’m resistant to letting go of my false beliefs because deep down I think I find safety in them. I’ve had anxiety disorder since 1992, and has stretched as far as agoraphobia. Thankfully, it has been widdled down to situational anxiety/phobic situations that involve taking medications or undergoing medical procedures. This is due to an overpowering fear nestled at my core…fear of having allergic or bad reaction to medication or food. I’ve never had either of these happen to me, however, my fear is so strong that it dictates my life in many areas. It’s embarrassing. When I have to take medication, get a flu shot, or asked to take a bite of something I’ve never had before, my “restistance” steps in front of me like an overprotective parent, falsely shielding me from “something bad.” Between the adrenaline rushing through my body and the battle of “what-if/you’ll be fine” thoughts playing tug-of-war inside my head, I am always left feeling exhausted, angry, and shakey afterwards. If I could just let go and accept that life is full of unknowns and there is no way, no matter how hard I try, to protect myself from each and every one. Logically, I understand this…physically, I have a very strong and overactive survival reflex. My brain and adrenal glands go 0 to 60 in .5 seconds flat! Unfortunately, I’m left holding on for the ride until it grinds to a hault. Paul, thank you so much for creating this website, podcasts, your e-books and articles. I carry them on my phone so I can tune in as needed. You’ve been on many walks with me and you don’t even know it! LOL You not only inspire me to push outside my comfort zone, but I’m sure I can speak for those who’ve also been helped, strengthened and comforted by your hard work as well. God bless you!!!
My 1st attack was just under 18 months ago. I still do not where this has stemmed from, I have a great job, I was out with friends the night before, maybe a bit to late, work as normal then bang it happened, it was like something snapped in the head, shaking like a leaf thought I was having a heart attack or a stroke, feeling feint the list goes on, this went on for weeks, ever little symptom felt up out of my seat to see the doctor, leaving work early to go for a drink to calm my nerves as this seemed to relax me, but the next day the feelings would be twice as worse and then the cycle would repeat itself, doctors give me numerous medication to try and combat the fears but I decided myself to come off them and go down a different route, reading numerous websites like this one and many more. I feel like I am overcoming these feelings slowly but it takes time. I seem to have more good days than bad now, but then I have a one off attack and go through the process again of fighting it instead of running. I lost my marriage to this and I will not let it defeat me. Thanks for reading
I stay anxious because of fear and the need for control. This world is so unpredictable and while my conscious, rational mind knows that I’m really ok ( I’ve had numerous tests by cardiologists), I feel my subconscious mind is always on heightened alert. This stems from 3 years ago when I lost 5 family members and friends to freak accidents and illnesses. I saw how quickly and randomly life could be taken away and it scared the heck out of me. While my anxiety has gotten so much better ( in part thanks to you Paul- you literally changed my thinking and comforted me with your podcasts when I thought I was losing it) I still feel that underlying sense that I’m not safe. And that I dont have control.
I think i stay anxious because of the fear of the unknown, as well as the physical symptoms. When im feeling fine i feel i can handle anything but as soon as i start to think that my blood pressure is elevated i go straight back to my negative mind set. Ive had high blood pressure since my 20s and when im anxious i think that my blood pressure is extreamly elevated and it could harm me. I also lack confidence in myself mind and body, confindence goes a long way when facing your fears and i know thats what i lack…..
The problem with stuck anxiety is the automatic emotional reactional energy that have been suppressed thru long periods, specially when under intense life stresses, either physical (like an operation, etc.)or emotional like life small and big traumas, and the capacity of the person’ nervous system to tolerate and process the reactions produced by these life factors; that is why people react differently to stress. The high anxiety is the collected emotional/reactional energy that is now in the body, and because it is so enormous and intense the bady can not process and dissipate that high amount, therefore it is not only kept stuck in the body causing all kinds of different symptoms but are now being added to the already fully accumulated body, creating a vicious circle of stress, fear of the intensity of the symptoms, more stress and so on and on. The solution is the dissipation of the intensity of the energy by doing arobic exercises, brisk walking, jumping, etc “in spite of the resistance and the fear to do so, together with breathing deeply at all times, specially abdominally untill the process become automatic, I know it is easy to say and very hard to do, that is why a person need a friend/spouse to help keep him or her on track doing these things daily.
The problem with stuck anxiety, like mine, is the automatic emotional reactional energy that have been suppressed for long periods, specially when under intense life stresses, either physical (like an operation, etc.)or emotional,like life small and big traumas, and the capacity of the person’s nervous system to tolerate and process the reactions produced by these life factors; that is why people react differently to stress they either have a sound and strong nervous system or a week and reactive one, like mine, and like most people with extreme anxiety.
The high anxiety is the collected emotional/reactional energy that is now in the body, and because it is so enormous and intense the body can not process and dissipate that high amount, so we fear when the enegy gets stimulated from the outside world or even by our own thoughts, therefore it is not only stuck in the body, causing all kinds of different symptoms but are now being added to the already fully accumulated body, creating a vicious circle of stress, fear of the intensity of the symptoms, more stress and so on and on.
The solution is the dissipation of the intensity of the energy by any means you can think of, like doing aerobic exercises, brisk walking, jumping, running, climing stairs, massaging yourself with a car buffer/polisher, thai massage, etc. “in spite of the resistance and the fear to do so,” together with breathing deeply at all times, specially abdominally until the process become automatic, I know it is easy to say and very, very hard to do, that is why a person need a friend/spouse to help keep him or her on track doing these things daily!! Eventually after time (may be long or not) the intensity of the energy will start to lessen and dissipate, as the person starts to loose the fear of it, which means he or she is creating less adrenaline in the body so the body will start to heal. The role of the support person is the key to success and is of the utmost importance.
I won’t say that I am stuck, but I am on the long road to recovery, where I still experience setbacks. I don’t have the most common anxiety symptoms like heart palps or racing heart, so I still have lingering doubt. While I might tell myself 100 times a day, that I only have anxiety, I still have negative thoughts when the abnormal sensations arise. I wonder how they can be so endless, especially when I am lying down to take a nap and have no anxious emotions that I am aware of. I’m starting to learn more about how the body releases stress hormones, especially while you are sleeping, or in response to hunger, heavy exercise, etc.