Today I wanted to check in with you and let you know where I’m at and where I’m going.
I’ve been in grad school for nearly two years working on a master’s degree in counseling psychology.
The road has been long, sometimes irritating, but so far completely worth it.
Now I’ve come to a crossroads and I want to reach out to you and get your feedback about a decision I’m mulling over.
See, I’ve been on track to become a licensed MFT and LPC. The two licenses basically mean that I’d be a therapist able to treat individuals, families, couples, and kids. Basically, everybody.
I’d also be able to open my own practice, teach at community colleges, consult, supervise, the works. Come to think of it, the two licenses are pretty flexible.
After my masters I’ll also have to complete a two-year internship, paid of course. So not bad right? I’ll get to do what I think I was meant to do and, by the abundant mercy of the universe, leave the world of cubicles forever.
But, and I mean BUT, I’ve been thinking about getting my doctorate. The dreaded PhD.
Given the flexible masters level license, why in the world would I do that? Well, it all started because I’m currently completing an internship at a site choke- full of pre-doctoral students.
Their ‘stuff’ has rubbed off on me.
I think that I honestly started feeling bad about myself and feel almost like a second class citizen, at least in the world of psychology.
My wife is against the idea of a PhD. Others I know are for it. And I’m somewhere in the middle.
If I had a PhD I could: Gain more clinical knowledge, earn more money, and obtain teaching gigs with more frequency. I’d also qualify to be a licensed psychologist, which isn’t a huge deal to me.
That last part means less to me because I don’t want to deal with acute clients. I’d much rather work with clients suffering from anxiety, of course!
Plus, doctoral school means 3-4 more years of course work, a dissertation, and a two-year internship. All so that I can be, essentially, a therapist. It seems like an awful lot of work for what amounts to the same thing, at least when it comes to being a therapist.
Also, and just as important, is the fact that I have a family. A wife and two very young children. I fret about the time that I’m not giving my family and what that could mean downrange.
The other issue is my age and cost of attending school. I’m in my 30’s and have become hyper-aware of, and allergic to, debt. Even so-called ‘good debt.’
I’ve been flipping sides on this issue for months. People at my internship site ask about it, my family asks about it, even random people who I sort of talk to want to know: Are you going to get a PhD?
At this point I don’t know. Part of me just wants to continue with my original plan. Get the masters, get licensed, do private practice, teach, and continue to grow this website.
The other part of me has a desire to avoid regret and “be all I can be.” I have the ability , the question is: Is the PhD worth it given what I want to do?
I was reluctant to ask you about this because in some weird way it makes me feel vulnerable and indecisive. Then I thought, wait a minute, this is a huge decision, get all the feedback you can, you fool!
So, what do you think? Should I stick to my original plan, or does Dr. Paul have a nice ring to it?
Let me know in the comments section below!
I think you sould stick to your original plan.less stress and more time spent with your family is more important in my opinion.
I think you should stick with your original plan.
HI PAUL I ALSO THINK YOU SHOULD STICK TO ORIGINAL PLAN,CHILDREN GROW SO QUICK YOU DONT WANT TO MISS ANY OF THAT GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER YOU DECIDE
I always thought the PhD had the most value if you were going to teach or work in an academic setting…be proud of your Masters that already allows you to do what you want to do. Continue learning on your own as your new world opens up to you and takes you in directions you can’t know about yet…uncertainty, I know : )
My husband and I were in the same situation. He was working on his masters and contemplating getting a PhD, plus he had a regular job to go to every day, plus we have 2 young daughters. Yeah, being a doctor sounds cool, but everything has its price. Even getting through the master’s was stressful for him to the point that he started getting these headaches and would go through a bottle of aspirin in a week. He became very irritable and would lash out at kids if they were too loud when he would try to study. Plus I felt like I was almost a single parent, and that put quite a strain on our relationship.
I think you should stick to your original plan, you’ll still get to help people like you’ve always wanted, but will spare yourself and your family several years of pain and misery, plus a serious financial strain. Good luck!
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the feedback. This decision isn’t something I take lightly. There are definite advantages and disadvantages both ways. Looks like the PhD doesn’t have many fans at this point. LOL.
I am also a fan of your original plan. In my opinion many people equate education with a persons worth and I know many people who are very successful with no college degree. My husband happens to be pretty far advanced in his IT career with no college. He did it by working hard and sometimes I feel like people lean too much on their education when they really need life experience (which I know you have when it comes to anxiety.) 😉
Hi Paul, I ran into the same issue w/my computer science degree, whether to go back and get a master’s in addition to my BSCS.
Masters in engineering can be tricky because by the time you finally graduate, you go out into the world with no real experience but wanting a higher salary than a BS.
Here’s what I ended up doing instead: I wrote a book.
Writing the book caused me to do valuable research. I think I ended up being a more proficient engineer and at the same time I gained a lot of notoriety.
My point being, maybe do something other than formal schooling, but something which contributes to your passion.
BTW, you have been a great inspiriation to me.
I wouldn’t go for the PhD. The debt is too much and adds too much stress to life.
Hi Paul,
As someone who has a PhD in psychology, and whose wife has just completed one in psychotherapy, I think I have a bit of experience on this matter. My advice to you is simple: what do you want? Don’t worry about all the other things, as either way life is still going to have its ups and downs, you’ll get by if you all support each other. If you decide you want a PhD, ask yourself why? If it’s the image, ego stuff then forget about it, but if it is really to challenge yourself to get the highest degree in the land in a subject that fascinates you, and that in turn you will be making a positive contribution to the field, I’d say go for the PhD, you’re clearly a very clever guy, with the potential to do great things, and lastly just ask yourself this final question, do you fancy spending the rest of your life wondering ‘what if’?
Good luck mate and thanks for the advice re: my life-long companion anxiety, always very helpful
Dominic
Paul it’s obvious that you have a gift for connecting with people and provide very real help to those suffering from abnormal anxiety. I count myself as one who has benefited quite a bit. Your panic attack survival guide alone has really helped me when I need it. From the way you describe the two options, it seems to me that the Masters degree direction is a better fit for your calling. As you know, at the end of the day, it’s completely your decision. A Jesuit priest passed on to me a method for making tough choices like this. First, engage your left brain by getting out a sheet of paper and on one side write the pro’s of what your trying to decide and on the other the con’s. Seems like you already have this material, but it’s helpful to put it in this format. Once you’ve done all that and considered everything carefully. Once you’ve done that, go somewhere where you can be quiet. Quite your mind, however you best can. Getting into a meditative state if you’re comfortable with that by whatever means works (breathing awareness, body scan, etc.). Once you’ve quieted the noisy inner chatter, imagine both options, not critically just as they are. See which option you feel a sense of peace with and which one you find more turbulent. Go with the option where you feel the deeper sense of peace. FYI, they call this “discernment of spirits” by the way, but I don’t think you necessarily need to be particularly religious for this exercise to work and have value. Hope this helps and thanks for all your great work!! Jim
If you need the Ph.D. for your career plans, get the Ph.D. Do not enroll in a Ph.D. program just to have a Ph.D. It is expensive and stressful, and unnecessary unless you want a license as a psychologist or a tenure-track university teaching career. The degree has no intrinsic value of its own — it is useful only in getting you to the career that requires it.
The original plan would still have the stress ; the PHD program would be that plus! Your “hard knocks ” with anxiety is and will be something to help people with as you have been there.
I wrote you a while back: have conquered most of my anxiety issues but still in avoidance of red lights, traffic. (can drive on back roads) I have limited my world and am not giving up but if you come across any further information-I would be appreciative. (had some bad experiences in traffic over the years!) All the best with your decision; your “gut” will lead !
I think you should stick to your original plan. To me family is also more important, especially having two young children to nature. You will need to spend as much time with them in their developmental phase. Good luck anyway if you decide on going for your phD.
I agree with everyone else about sticking to your original plan. I do understand the pressure you feel though – especially in your field. I live in one of the highest per capita PhD cities and it can mess with your self esteem. The other night we had a party and my husband and I were the only people in the room with no PhD. I started to feel insecure and even made a self depracating joke “I’m no rocket scientist” (yes, several of our guests were rocket scientists). Anyway, it made me realize I have insecurities there and need to re-examine some of my mis-perceptions about people’s “value” based on their education.
I’ve noticed that my friends who got their PhD’s out of social pressure continue to feel pressure afterwards (eg: is my degree from a state school as “valuble” as one from Harvard? Am I falling behind on the latest research? etc)
If this issue continues to eat at you, it’s always possible to get your PhD later – but those kiddos are only little once.
I have no doubt that whatever you choose you’ll contiue to be a big help to others – we all appreciate you so much!
If the reason you want a PhD is to be called Doc, then don’t do it Paul. Seriously I know that was a joke, but if you want this for YOU, then maybe consider it. In your field you can go really far with a Masters as you know. Whatever you and your wife decide will be the right decision for you and your family.
I do agree with Jane above about the societal pressure and that you never get back time with the kids.
I have to agree with everyone else, the original plan I feel is they way to go. You are an amazing man that has come a long way and you have a family that I am sure is ready for your schooling to be over. Either way I know you will make the right decision for you and your family. Good luck and God bless..
I agree that you should stick with your original plan. Try it for a couple of years or a year (give it a chance) and if you still feel impelled to continue to Dr. Paul, then give it a shot!
I agree that our kiddos grow up way to fast, it is important to spend that time with them yes.
Good luck! Thanks for all that you do!!!
Hi Paul,
I’m with the majority, at this time, sticking to your original plan sounds best from what you’ve said.
I think college degrees only make a difference if it affects what you want to do. You can always go back to school later in life for an advanced degree.
For example: To be an RN you can have an Associates degree, a Diploma, or a BS. The pay is basically the same for all those degrees, you may get a few dollars more an hour if you have a BS or 20 years exerience, most places I’ve worked, it made no difference, or the difference wasn’t any incentive to get a higher degree. We all did the exact same work and even sat for the exact same state boards.. (Most nurses who go on to get their Masters become NPs (nurse practitioners))
Go with your heart. At least then you will not wake up wondering. One life,enjoy and make the most of it but be there for your family.
Hi,
If you were 22 Id say go for the PHD, but lke me your not.
A Masters for a mature student is already a great achievment and you have made sacrificies to get that.
How many Dr’s have their own website like this, I would say you already are all you can be. Anything more is just the cherry on top.
I dont like cherrys!
Best of luck and thanks for the help.
Regards,
Rick.
Hey, Paul,
You’ve already helped alot of people without the fancy title. We didn’t need those higher credentials and in my opinion, neither do you!
Thanks for all you do NOW….and continue to “enjoy moments in time” with your family. Yes – kids will always remember the time you spent with them…or not, sadly!
“I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich.” ~Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, “Identity Crisis,” M*A*S*H
To me life is not always about work. It’s being able to balance everyting else, family, etc. In fact that is a major source of anxiety for me, being at work all the time and having less control over my life. I would stick with the original plan. Enjoy your family and being with your children as the grow up, you can’t repeat that time, once it has passed it’s gone. However, you can always go back and get a PhD. I would revisit the idea in 10 years and go from there.
I like the original plan, too 🙂 And you really don’t have to decide now. You can always let it rest a while and go do the PhD in a couple of years. Take a break. Spend some time with your kids. Not doing it now doesn’t mean you’ll never do it ever. Best of luck 🙂
As a mother of two small boys who are growing so quickly, too quickly right before my eyes, next thing I know they will be in high school. Children are so important but so is your education. I think you gave two good reasons not to pursue your PHD…
“Plus, doctoral school means 3-4 more years of course work, a dissertation, and a two-year internship. All so that I can be, essentially, a therapist. It seems like an awful lot of work for what amounts to the same thing, at least when it comes to being a therapist.”
And “Also, and just as important, is the fact that I have a family. A wife and two very young children. I fret about the time that I’m not giving my family and what that could mean downrange.”.
As others have said follow your heart. Best of luck to you Paul. Keep up the great work on anxiety! It helps us all so much. 🙂
Well..crossroads are there for a reason..You want people to say NO,as that is what you want to say, but think you would be wasting opportunities.
If you have doubts then it isn’t what you really want (like the song..What do you want?Really Really want?)
Family & a good quality of life are more important than being PhD. Later in life if you feel you could manage..go back to studies.
Life is not a practice run..this is it! So enjoy what you have NOW.
Hey Paul,
Glad to hear you’ve made such great progress towards your initial goal. Seems like just yesterday you told me you were going to go back to school.
As for the PhD, it sure seems like you’re leaning towards putting it on hold for now. I haven’t heard much of a case for going for it just yet. I’d say that unless you think the financial rewards are going to be significantly better… to stay the current course. For one, you’ll be helping people more quickly this way, which was part of your initial goal.
I’ll just throw this out there, I don’t know how much writing you plan to do in the future but if you were going to try to start getting published more, having the PhD might come in handy in that case. Seems like it’s a nice badge of honor for writers. But, overall… it seems like the work/reward ratio right now favors staying the current course.
Hope all is well my friend, and thanks for all you do.
Bryan
First, let me just say that I read every single comment back to my wife aloud and we considered each one carefully.
I always knew that my readership was primarily made up of intelligent people and your thoughtful comments have cemented that notion.
I’m impressed with your insights, caring statements, and appreciation for my work.
Second, I have to admit that a lot of this is coming from outside pressure. I know anxiety and I know it well. In that regard, my “expertise” is already there. But, of course, there’s more to it.
I think I’m reaching for the academic stars because I’m in a place I never thought I would be, which is within reach of such a goal.
But, at the same time, deep down I know I want to be a therapist. I don’t want to do psych testing or research, so why bother thinking about the PhD?
I guess I’m still working that out to be honest. I’m not clear on that, what the “true” reasons are. However, all your comments have provided me with a clear path forward in terms of understanding what matters most. Not just in terms of career options, but indeed about life in general.
At this point I plan to wait. I’m going to finish my masters in two months, start my internship soon after, and sit tight.
Only time will tell if a PhD is worthwhile. In the meantime, I’m going to spend more time with my family and continue my work at AG.
At this point I’m going to shine up the goal I’ve always had, the one dearest to my heart. And that is to tell the world that abnormal anxiety can be managed, it can be reduced, changed, and even eliminated. That is truly my passion. This I have no doubt about.
I thank you all for taking the time to reply. It was a response that I won’t soon forget!
Thank you.
Hello Paul,
I am sure you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
You will be very good at your chosen field because you listen(read that as READING)
Carry on with what you are good at now and get even better.
Nothing is set in concrete and if changes are made in the future then it will be with a great deal of insight.
All the very best to you & your family
Hello Paul,
First of all thank you very much for all your emails. I find them very helpful and encouraging.
i have just one simple feeling about your dilemma of the Ph.D. Be still and listen to your heart. I believe for each of us, all the answers we will ever need are right there. If it’s in your heart, go for it, but if it’s not, just let it go.
Whatever you finally decide, remember it’s not what you do that counts it’s who you are.
I’d say you are pretty great with or without a Ph.D.
Best wishes,
Ann
Well, I believe the masses have spoken. To tell you the truth, I have considered getting my Doctorate too (in education) for much of the same reasons as you. But being in my thirties and with a family as well, I am very content with my Master’s (which has opened up plenty of door) and spending more time with my family, students, and parents (and less time studying and not helping them). The best part is that if I choose to get my Doctorate later on….I can! I know you have thought about all of this, but I really appreciate your help and insight with anxiety. I personally feel that you need to get to helping people as soon as you can because you ARE ready! Thank you and keep on writing.
Ken
I think maybe you should give this a bit more time. I know you’re getting older, but so are your children. What’s the rush, really? Can’t you finish this and try it out before you decide if you want the PHD? How about a trial period? I’m not familiar with the American education system, so I may be wrong. But I think you can go back if you want more letters in your diploma.
Go with your gut!
🙂
I would say one step at a time. Stick with your original plan for now and see where the future takes you. While it’s great to think of a bright and prestigious future – why get all wrapped up in the future? I think as sufferers we tend to have a “what next” attitude most of the time. It’s great for planning, but in the end causes more tension than what is really needed.
hey paul , seriously you are the greatest as you are allready, i dont know how to tell you how much youve helped me , and put my life at ease! i mean it, you are the best thing that ever happend to me , because i was living in this cramped up world really freightned, but never the less you are a special person just how you are , im sure you have helped many of people out there, and you dont need to go to the extreme, although it would be nice , but you do alot just as you are now, and the best thing is to spend lots of time with your lovely kidos and wife, please dont go any further, you are great just like “dr paul” you inspire me alot , take time with your family, and you are still a young man,love them dearly, paul once again thank you so much for your valuable information, that is free , thank you thank you, bless my brotha 🙂
you’re doing fine as it is now.You have what it takes to help people heal. Develop this talent and the charisma will attract success and success does not mean just dough,fame, and suffixes. Success is being successful as a person in every aspect of life. Not hitching your ambition to the phd doesn’t mean you’re not going to be passionate about all that savors of professionalism.
Thanks AG, well said.
Go for your masters, work for a while and reassess.
Hi Paul,
I have lost track of how many times you have helped me through your emails, podcasts, ebooks, and articles. A PhD would be a great academic achievment, but in my eyes you are already there. Your experience in actually having gone through what the rest of us are struggling with speaks louder than any ‘book learning’. Don’t get me wrong – I do believe in higher education, but while your kids are still young, enjoy them, as time passes so quickly and soon they will be in college themselves. Your masters degree will serve you well at this point in your life, then if you still want more, by all means go for your PhD.
I can’t thank you enough for all of the hard work you have done. Whenever I need some advice (which is often!) or just want to hear the voice of a friend, I grab my phone and listen to a podcast or portion of an ebook. I carry all of your books and recordings on my phone, so I have my ‘portable therapist’ wherever I go. 🙂
Thanks again, and good luck finishing your Masters!
Hi Paul, I think you should stick with your original plan. life is short and children grow up quickly and you are already good at what you do but most of all you have to follow your heart.