We all have private thoughts. You probably have thousands a day.
But you only share a small percentage of what you think with other people. Most of that stuff you ‘discuss’ with yourself.
You don’t do this like a schizophrenic talking to a building though. It’s subtle. In fact, it all happens in your head.
Now, think about how many times a day you have anxious thoughts. What do you tell yourself when you’re anxious?
When I had high anxiety I’d think things like, “What if anxiety causes me to have a heart attack?” “Can I survive a heart attack?” “Will it hurt?” You get the drift, right? It can go on like this in perpetuity.
The things you tell yourself, either silently or out loud, is called self-talk, and it matters. Negative self-talk is a fantastic way to increase anxiety, lower self-confidence, and prolong your experience with abnormal anxiety.
Anxious self-talk is filled with negative bias and distorted perceptions of reality. It’s one giant lie on top of another. Over time this colors your view of the world and your potential future in a way that seems realistic. This tends to be true even if you know that your anxious perceptions are way off base.
Here’s what I recommend:
Be aware. When anxiety strikes it’s easy, way too easy, to fall under the spell of fear and prophecy. Instead, when you have anxious thoughts pay attention to what you tell yourself – take note in fact.
Then, challenge what you’re telling yourself. For example, when I used to have chest pain and became anxious I’d ask myself, “Do I have heart disease?” “Do I have any other indicators of heart attack?” “Has my doctor ever told me to change something because he thought I was at risk of a heart attack?”
In my case, the answer to all those questions was no. The point is to challenge your negative self-talk with what you know is happening and not what your best guess is. Big difference.
The hope is that you’ll be able to come up with alternatives to the doom and gloom that you tell yourself is going to happen. At first, it’s going to feel like your wasting your time since anxiety will continue to hound you.
This, however, will start to change if you stick with it. In other words, be patient with yourself.
This is a huge deal. I think that we construct our own realities based on how we interpret the world. Self-talk has a lot to do with that process. Think about it: if you always told yourself that you mattered more than other people then how would you act toward others?
Maybe you’d be a greedy person with a nasty disposition. But what if you told yourself that other people do have value and what happens to them does matter? What would you be like then? Different, right?
Be careful what you tell yourself because that will become your reality. Be kind to yourself and tell yourself what you’d like to happen versus punishing yourself with fear-based assumptions.
Try it and you’ll notice a big difference.
Over the years I read a lot about negative self talk. I kept thinking that doesn’t apply to me as I didn’t believe I was doing any negative self talk. I think, for me, I just didn’t realize that I was engaging myself in negative self talk. I couldn’t recall saying anything to myself, when an anxiety attack would come on. When I felt the raising anxiety, I would scan my mind for what I was thinking. My mind was blank, or so I thought it was.
I am a literal person and when I read the words ‘negative self talk’ I was searching for actual negative words in my mind. There were none, at least not at the onset of the anxiety attack. I still don’t have a clue what triggers my anxiety. I do know that my fears only exacerbate the anxiety.
As you stated, challenging my negative self-talk with reality has helped a great deal. I still have a long way to go.
Like Sylvia, when this started I had no idea that I used negative self talk. I asked my husband to pay careful attention and stop me every time he heard me doing that and I have been stunned by how many times he stopped me. I now hear myself all the time, both in talking out loud and in thinking. And it’s not just negative self talk. Oftentimes it’s glass half empty (or worse, nearly empty) talk in general, not about myself.
Great article. Thanks.
Good article. Negative self talk is definitely one of those things we never consider because we think we are in absolute control of all of our thoughts. Which is true, but we just forget to listen and let the thoughts glaze over us. When anxiety puts you in that state of disarray, you quickly start to assume the worst based on how you feel, rather than thinking about what is causing you to feel that way (anxiety). It’s really a confusing issue but it’s true. It was always true in my case.
Reading ng this article was what I needed. I am an anxiety sufferer. I have a lot of negative self-talk. I always tell myself that things will end up badly, even when evidence proves to the contrary.
I know that anxiety and negative-self-talk is extremely difficult. So for all my brothers and sisters out there who suffer with anxiety, I would like to share this thought with you from God’s word:
“May the God who gives hope fill you with all joy and peace by your trusting in him, so that you may abound in hope with power of Holy Spirit”.
Romans 15:13.
Even though we may be wrestling with anxiety and negative-self-talk, God wants us to abound in hope knowing that anything is possible. So, try not to let your anxieties and imperfect mind limit your potential and blessings.
My love to all my brothers and sisters who suffer with anxiety. Our Heavenly Father is right by our side ready to listen and bless us.