For many of us our anxiety disorders feel like they sprang up out of the blue as it were. But were there any signs that one was developing a long lasting and sometimes torturous sense of apprehension and negative physical feeling? Or was it always there and we now simply see things different?
Although children can have anxiety disorders it seems that adults are the ones that exhibit physical and mental exacerbation with the condition. Do kids have a better handle on this or is it a case of ignorance being bliss?
Looking back on my own development I can remember being a shy kid but I was not an introvert either. However things began to change for me when I became an adolescent and became more aware of myself and the perceptions of other people.
At about 16 years old I started having issues with vomiting and diarrhea before social events of any real size. But at the time I never really connected the dots and thought it was simple nervousness and nothing more.
This got me thinking today about how I currently view my anxiety disorder. I had my hellish first attack in 1999 and ever since that day I have been what Dr. Claire Weekes called "sensitized". I became sensitive to myself, my feelings and of course every single weird physical sensations related to my anxiety.
It’s almost as if the first panic attack and the succeeding weeks of anxious brooding and strange symptoms rewired my brain and my reaction to nervousness.
Now when I get very nervous the assumption is that I’m dying, but really its the same old feeling that I am now more tuned into – more sensitive about.
So, I thought, wouldn’t it be great to see and feel anxiety as I once did. Could it be that it’s my attitude that has been wrong for all these years? Not to say that anxiety doesn’t feel bad – but to an extent isn’t the reaction or more likely the overreaction to nervousness that brings on all the turmoil?
Yes of course it is. So my unimpressive epiphany was that we should attempt to be more like me at age 16. Aware but not impressed by being nervous. I once ignorantly shrugged off a panic attack without knowing it (hind sight is 20/20).
My head would tingle, stomach would become upset, an uneasiness would descend on me and just as quickly I would simply ignore it. Sounds so simple, but of course it is so hard. I’ve talked lots about acceptance and how it can really help one to cope with chronic anxiety and this teenage "whatever" attitude seems useful in this context.
Essentially this is what I was doing as a youngster. I accepted that it was strange to feel extreme nervousness but that was it. I did not attribute anything else or add future consequences that could haunt me as a result of having those anxious feeling or thoughts.
In essence I have always been anxious I just did not know it. My mom tells me that as a two year old I hid under the dinner table alone. Just baby play or anxiety being played out?
Who knows but the point is that our reaction to any given situation, particularly related to anxiety, will ultimately determine how we cope and live.
It’s so easy to hide from anxiety but difficult to face. So though I don’t advocate creating a sense of denial it could be helpful and healthy to just say "so what".
Case in point, today I was in a meeting (this was before the epiphany) and I was standing in front of lots of people. My anxiety was triggered and I really thought that I was about to have a heart attack. But I stopped myself and thought oh well, really what am I going to do? Nothing.
Releasing the tense hold we have on ourselves is hard. Believe me I know and I don’t blame you for being that way. However you can learn to undo at least the reaction to your anxiety. Maybe the feelings are here to stay for most of us but we can in fact alter our own perception of anxiety and in so doing change our response to fear and worry.
So the next time you feel impending doom – sit down, relax your shoulders take a deep breath or two and wait ten minutes. And you’ll see that nothing will happen (a.k.a you’re fine). Call it forced relaxation or controlled calm down. Either way this physical action will tell your brain to turn off the false alarm.
No extra "what if" no more I should… because… or this… just relax.
The anxiety before the anxiety disorder was there for all of us as it is there for all people. It is our reaction that labels us as chronically anxious. Everyone gets knots in their belly, sweaty hands, frequency, etc. It is or inability to unlock the oh well door that creates problems. Our anxiety has always been there but maybe we can try to turn back the clock and recapture some of the ignorant bliss we miss so much.
Just a thought.
This was really helpful, thank you.