Being that I have general anxiety disorder (GAD) my symptoms and sensations are like a buffet of anxiety. A little social phobia, a dash of panic disorder and sometimes I dabble in OCD but only lightly. Some people however struggle with social anxiety disorder and it cripples them, well socially. This of course can be horrible because as you all know our species is especially social. Whether people admit it or not, people need other people. Sometime in eons past our ancestors decided that the best way to survive a sometimes hostile and dangerous planet was to stick together. You ever heard the expression ‘man there is way too many people in this city’, yea me too. Well, have you ever taken a long road trip anywhere? If you answered yes than during that trip you would have noticed that in between large cities there is a lot of nothing. Why? Because all the people went to live near each other to make life easier. People like to be next to each other and when they can’t , or feel like they can’t, connect with others it can make us feel left out, alone, scared, anxious, and generally bummed that we can’t partake in the ‘socialocity’ of the world.
So is social anxiety when you get butterflies before an event or meeting? Nope. It is much more powerful than that and can cause the sufferer to sweat, feel dizzy,anxious, have fear of being stared at or judged, fear of being embarrassed, etc. Like all anxiety disorders this also has a laundry list of symptoms and sensations. For example, if I am at a restaurant I swear that everyone is staring at me as I eat. Or if I need to make my way to the restroom I will only go in emergencies and I stare at the ground as I move between tables and aisles. I always think people are looking at me and that causes me to be uneasy sometimes when i am in public. My wife tries to help and reminds me that i am not that special and people are not looking at me anymore than any other person, but in my mind she is of course wrong.
I hate to admit it but I really do care what people think of me. And if I find out that they don’t have a favorable opinion of me it can cause me to feel bad about myself, even to the point were I dwell on it. With time this isn’t as significant as it used to be for me, but it is there nonetheless. So why does this social phobia biz drive us up the wall? Well for starters here is a short list of things I limit or don’t do because of my social phobia:
1. Parties. Except mandatroy ones like weddings, etc.
2. Bars and nightclubs – sparingly.
3. Amusement parks – can’t deal with it.
4. Big Stores – Good for about 2 hrs tops.
5. Carnivals and big events – As long as I keep moving.
What do all the things in my list have in common? They are all a lot of fun. This is precisely why having social anxiety is so difficult – because you feel like, and you are, missing out. So what do you do to combat this and get it out of your life? If you follow this blog then you should know that the number one thing endorsed by the Anxiety Guru is acceptance- the key is to accept that you have social anxiety disorder. You should acknowledge that you have it and that it’s not going to harm you. Whether your hands get sweaty, or you get faint in crowds, running home is not the solution. The solution lies in you and your ability to let those symptoms do whatever they want. All the symptoms you have ever felt related to this phobia are always the same are they not (for the most part)? So you know that in a social setting your going to have x,y, and z symptom. Every time it sucks, but every time it does not harm you. I have trained myself to go to any function and see it through. I have even been in a night club with strobe lights that blink so fast that everyone appears to be standing still – for over a minute! That can be freaky, but I tuned into my deep breathing and self talk. I am fine and nothing is going to hurt me. After a awhile this becomes true and you can see it through. This all takes practice of course. I would not expect you to run downtown and start mingling with the night crowd. Start slowly and do things you don’t like for short amounts of time. This will build your tolerance for crowds and give you the practice you need because breathing, self talk, and visualization are much different in a crowd than they are at home.
You can also try more traditional treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, support groups and self help books and videos to help you through this. I think these forms of treatment are completely valid, I just want you to know that you can overcome this and that it doesn’t take some miracle. Sorry for the very long post, but clearly social anxiety has touched my life deeply and I don’t want to see you waste your time on something that shouldn’t stop you from having fun. Remember, breath, think positive and get out there.
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