Today’s post was written by U.S. Army veteran PM.
Warning: This article contains strong language.
Mental health doesn’t just affect a certain type of person.
It could affect anyone from kids, adults, men, women, black or white; it really does not matter.
Does being a veteran mean that I have a significant case of mental health issues?
No, it doesn’t. But I would like to discuss the stigma that many veterans experience with you.
I spent 6 years in the Army, I spent one deployment in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. After my second deployment, I decided it was time for me to get out.
Being out of the military means having to adjust to different things.
One of those things just happens to be being asked by several different people if I have any mental health issues since getting out.
I never thought this was a big deal until I sat down and really thought about what they were asking.
I was pretty much being asked to disclose my medical history.
From a physical standpoint, it would be like me asking someone if they have ever had an STD; seems pretty inappropriate and unnecessary.
So why do people feel the need to ask me like I am going to tell them “Oh yeah, I’m all fucked up.”
Even if I was I would never tell anyone.
Is this the stigma that veterans are left with these days?
Is it because Hollywood paints every Iraq and Afghanistan veteran on TV and in the movies as a PTSD infused stick of dynamite ready to explode at any time?
An example that comes to mind is the movie “Brothers” where Tobey Maquire’s character comes back from war and ends up threatening his family and coming close to committing suicide before being admitted to the hospital.
But those on screen portrayals are often extreme and almost always inaccurate.
Now, I don’t expect everyone to understand the things I have done, places I have been, or the shit I have seen. I just want them to be more mindful.
As a civilian, if you’re not familiar with military service and all that it entails, please don’t ask about a veteran’s mental health status because for a lot of us this is a painful subject.
I tend to over-analyze and over-think a lot of things. So when I get asked about my mental state it makes me feel like in the back of their minds, people are thinking there has got to be something wrong with me.
If they didn’t believe there was something wrong with me then why would they ask the question?
This almost makes me feel like I should cover up my military service.
Like I should be ashamed because of the misinformation floating in the head of the person I am speaking with.
I need you to understand something. I raised my right hand and took an oath to defend this country.
Along with countless others who spent months if not years away from their families missing birthdays, holidays, graduations and reunions.
These same people lost friends but were still told, not asked, to shut the fuck up and carry on with the mission.
I can’t speak for every veteran but for myself and the others I have talked to we don’t mind communicating our military service but you shouldn’t ask if I have been to war.
You shouldn’t ask if I am mentally unstable. You shouldn’t ask if I have killed anyone or seen anyone die.
We are just like you, we have feelings, emotions and thoughts; and we don’t always want to tap back into them just to satisfy someone else’s curiosity.
Much like you wouldn’t ask a rape victim to recount their story. Why would you ask a war veteran to tell you theirs?
I am in no way attacking people or acting like all veterans have mental issues, but I am just asking that people be mindful of what they ask.
People are always fighting battles in their mind that no one knows about and it doesn’t matter if you were in the military or not.
Have you ever dealt with this type of issue? Share your story below.
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Dear sir
I haven’t served in the military but know what’s it’s like to go to war.
And I’ve suffered the stigma associated with mental health despite a clean bill of health.
But the most traumatizing experience was the tortuous treatment by family and friends.
I do not blame them, for they were trying to do what they thought was best.
But I hold them accountable (and others) for making sweeping assumptions, and in particular, not making an effort to delve a little deeper.
Humans are inherently biased – our perspective is limited to the sum total of our life experiences to date.
And so, when we “see” something we have yet to experience, our pre-formed vision comes to the fore.
I wish it were as simple as an education process. However, the vast majority of us are happy accepting the view we’ve been conditioned to.
The only way to make significant change is to find a “safe” way for others to experience pain (safely).
Pain is a critical component of change – generally we do not learn from our mistakes unless we experience some form of distress/injury.
Think of the person (practically all of us) that jaywalks across the road. We will do this our entire life (despite warnings) until we get hit by a bus.
Rest assured, that person will cross at the lights religiously for the remainder of their life. And tell every man and dog not to jaywalk from that day onward.
But the remaining population will continue as per usual, until the next individual gets hit. Rinse and repeat. Ad naseum.
The challenge is to find a way to make us all feel “hit by a bus”. Not fleeting pain, but deep trauma (without any serious actual harm).
It’s something I’m working towards (not the harm part, the “pain”). Wouldn’t it be nice if the rest of the world could lighten up in the meantime.
Military servicemen (and this “soldier”) have seen enough horror for multiple lifetimes. Whilst defending the liberties of others with honour and integrity. And without asking for anything in return.
If it were not disrespectful, I’d salute you. In lieu of this let me shake your hand (virtually). Thank you for your courage as a officer and a gentleman.
I hope for a brighter future for all of us.
Warmest regards
Anthony