After I developed generalized anxiety disorder I began to get tremendously focused on only that. I lost interest in a lot of the things that I used to like and instead spent my time worrying. But as I worried I failed to notice that I was starting to lose friends in the process.
I stopped going places so people stopped inviting me to go out. When I did go out I couldn’t drink or relax so I became something of a bore. I would usually chalk up my loss of friends to regular relationship attrition. I figured that as you get older you naturally lose friends and pick up responsibilities instead. This I thought was a part of growing up.
Until one day a couple of years ago I realized, wait a minute, I don’t have any friends. In high school, like most people, I had tons of friends. In college I had fewer friends, but friends nonetheless. And now, well let’s just say that my best friend is on part time duty. Granted as an adult you can’t just go around collecting friends because you simply don’t have the time, but at the same time I knew that my anxiety had caused me to lose friends.
It makes sense when you think about it – I don’t drink, I talk very little in large groups and if I become nervous I become totally mute. Anxiety becomes your “friend” because it takes up your time and thoughts the way your pals did in the past. Don’t get me wrong I have social skills, but since I am reluctant to cut loose, I suppose I am not that interesting anymore.
The same can happen with a romantic relationship. Sometimes people don’t want to understand your anxiety and simply choose to move on. They become frustrated because anxiety because like another character or partner in the relationship. You talk about anxiety as if it is a person, “anxiety won’t leave me alone, etc”. I bring this to your attention to highlight the fact that you are not some sort of pariah.
As an adult you’re going to lose friends and as an anxiety sufferer things aren’t helped any. It’s not so much that people dislike you it’s that you dislike being around other people. You may not dislike the people per say, but you certainly dislike how you feel when there are too many of them around. You figure if I am going to feel this bad when I go out why bother. But really the focus should be to go out and connect with others precisely so you can let go of the strangle hold you have on your feelings and thoughts.
I’ll admit that it takes practice, but you should make an effort. If your invited somewhere you should go. Even if it is only for a short time. If you don’t have a ready made set of friends find some. You can try co-workers, social networking, or even old friends that you have lost touch with. I don’t suggest that you come up to strangers and ask to be their buddy, but you get the point.
I seriously have two friends in the whole world aside from my wife. This can seem depressing since it reminds me of how uncool I am. But you can still make the best of the friends you do have and always remain open to the possibility of gaining new ones. Anxiety may cause you to lose relationships sometimes, but unlike a lot of things in your life you actually have the ability to reverse this trend completely.
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