Instant Peace of Mind

She jumped out of bed in a panic at  4 am.

Unable to focus, she staggered out of the front door and started running down the street.

She stopped about ten houses down and stood motionless in the dark; chilled by the cold.

That happened about 3 years ago, and the terrified woman it happened to is my aunt.

That’s the story she told me at my mom’s house on Thanksgiving day. She’d never talked about her panic before, but on that day she opened up about her 20 year struggle with anxiety.

She told me about how she’d always felt like she was going to die when anxiety struck her. And about how no one understood, or even accepted her anxiety as real.

I sat across from her feeling empathy for my small, fragile aunt. My gaze bounced back and forth between her clinched hands, which were buried between her knees, and her uncertain eyes.

I’d known that she suffered from anxiety, but not like this.

She told me that on the morning she sprang out of bed, she was sure that she wasn’t going to make it. But, she did make it. Instead of dying, she walked back home, climbed into bed, and cried herself back to sleep.

On Thanksgiving day she sought me out. She’d heard about my work at Anxiety Guru and wanted to see if I could help her. It was an overwhelming request.

My aunt is a nice person, friendly and funny. Always quick to help people in need. So, I gave it a shot.

In my head, I knew I couldn’t fix her anxiety problem on the spot. So, I tried to give her a little peace of mind instead. As she told me about her panic attacks and anxiety symptoms, I was devising a plan. I was thinking of what to say.

This is what I told her:

“Let me ask you a question,” I said. “Of all the times that you’ve experienced anxiety and panic, how many times did you die?”

She half closed her eyes as she thought about the answer, then she whispered–“never.” I said, “Exactly. Never, and you never will.”

I went on to explain the mechanics of anxiety and a few other things, but the point I was trying to make was that anxiety doesn’t kill. After my little ramble she paused for a second, then she nodded slowly in agreement.

She confessed that her biggest fear was that panic would kill her. I told her that wasn’t true. She said, “OK, but how do I get rid of that thought?” I said, “Well. You gotta fake it for awhile.”

It’s helpful to create the feeling of acceptance by first acting the way you want to feel. By acting out your desired feelings you will learn to adopt them not in theory, but in fact.” I leaned forward and said, “do that, and you’ll heal yourself.” Then, I waited.

She got up and said she needed to grab something to drink. A few minutes later she found me again, this time smiling from ear to ear. She said, “you know what, you’re right. Anxiety hasn’t killed me in all these years, I guess it won’t start now.” I smiled back at her and agreed.

And, at least for a day, she achieved instant peace of mind. In fact, that feeling lasted longer. A week later I spoke to my mom after she’d gotten off the phone with my aunt.

It turns out that my aunt wasn’t feeling too good that day. But she was OK with that. She told my mom, “I’ll be fine, Paul was right.” I nearly exploded with happiness when my mom told me that.

I’m sure my aunt already knew on a logical level that anxiety wouldn’t kill her, but I think she never really accepted that fact. My role was just to remind her, in a simple way, that after all she’d gone through, she was still alive, still sane, and anxiety wasn’t going to change that, ever.

I don’t know what the future has in store for my aunt. All I do know is that she now has a reason to not fear anxiety. I hope you do too.