No matter how hard you might try you will never be able to read minds; this despite your anxiety driven belief that you know what other people are thinking when they stare at you from across a room.
I recently spoke with a friend about this and I thought I’d write about it in the future, then I thought why wait? It seemed like an immediate issue for my friend, it only made sense to me that there would be more people with the same problem.
I used to try and “read” other people’s mind too, that is until I realized how pointless it was. At one point I thought I had developed some kind of sixth sense about what others thought of me, but as it turned out I was just being paranoid.
The belief that you can read minds, however, is not a supernatural gift. It is, in fact, your assumptions and imagination hard at work. Talking to others brings out our insecurities and I think makes us feel vulnerable to criticism, and makes us fear outright rejection. We end up constantly asking ourselves, “what if they don’t like me?” This causes you to become uneasy around people because you’re not sure about how they feel about you.
I think the uncertainty of not knowing if we’re liked sparks our imaginations, and we start developing theories and behaviors as a way of defending ourselves. We start making up stuff like, “this person doesn’t like me because I always forget to say hi,” or whatever.
We worry a lot about what other people think, and worry is nothing more than a defense mechanism used to solve problems. We end up; however, babysitting a problem we can’t solve, namely, the attitudes and beliefs of other people.
The problem is that we all crave this kind of “social certainty.” Most of us want the acceptance of others, it’s just a major part of being human; this is true even if most people say that they don’t care what others think of them. The truth is most of us want social acceptance in a big way. But all this social jockeying – while being overly anxious to begin with – turns out to be hard indeed.
You see, it’s not that you can read minds; it’s that you wish you could. This way you would know what to say, what not to say, how to sound, etc. This is because if you had the power to read minds you’d be better equipped to become “acceptable” to others. You could worry less about being rejected.
But my suggestion to you is to not worry about what others are thinking. Honestly, not everyone you meet will like you anyway, no matter what you do. What your left with then is – Gasp! – your self-confidence to help you along. You must build it up whatever way you can to rebuff this timidity and self-consciousnesses.
Ultimately, don’t waste your time trying to get into other people’s head, because you will never find anything worth using in your quest for social acceptance. Besides, people are adept and acting one way and thinking something completely different. Remember that humans are the masters of deception, even to the point of self-deception in some cases.
All you can do is take the time to like love yourself because that’s the only person you can ever really know and understand. Outside of yourself, you just cannot know what makes others tick, and it’s a fruitless endeavor to try and find out. I think if you love yourself then others will take note, and at least most times, respect you for it.
If you don’t stop your mind reading now, you’ll turn into a paranoid shell of your former self. You don’t want to walk into restaurants, work, school, wherever, and feel concerned about what other people might be thinking about you. That’s like wearing wet socks and shoes while jogging in sand, not comfy.
To not care about what others think of you is counter intuitive to some extent, as it violates our natural social inclinations, but I say the hell with convention and love thyself.
Good thoughts! I’d like to think other people are just as concerned about what I think of them, as I wonder what they think of me. We have to remember we are all just people, with our own quirks and foibles, so we should just relax and be ourselves!
Great post Paul! It is pretty important though to pay attention to non-verbal cues, even tone and I think that’s where the mind-reading begins. That’s what I have trouble with because I feel like I am pretty adept at being observant, but then I get too caught up in my thoughts that it trips me up in social situations.
Hey Emily,
You’re right about reading cues. We all still have to follow social norms and follow the lead of others in certain situations, but in this case I’m talking about what you called, “getting too caught up in thoughts.” That’s where I think a lot of anxiety sufferers struggle, they overdo it with the reading of body language, tone, intonation, gesture, etc. We all have to learn to let go (unless you’re trying to get a job!) and relax like Sue said. This is a tough one for most of us I think.
Well, this is a very good point. Additionally, I think that even if we did know how others wanted us to act, we might find that we would be offended or turned off by the way they wanted us to act anyway, so it’s really a nil point in that respect also! Most people seem to care about their own selves, and not others, so I think that is another reason we should be concerned about our own thoughts. Being desperate for the approval of others can also lead us to take very unwise actions, so like the post says, self-confidence is the best tool of all.
My mind has been infiltrated by my neighbors who cant keep from constantly dwelling in my head. They read every thought out loud as I think it. I hear them discussing my most intimate memories even when I do not actively think them. One example is I looked at a photo of a bird and heard them discussing the death of a pet bird years ago. this is one of many violations of my privacy. Every day of my life I listen to them use me as their reality show. I am 99.9% sure they are not psychic. They followed me around listening through the walls and spying through my windows for a couple months before I first noticed they are inside my head. Have you heard of this happening to anyone else before? I live each day listening to these persons picking apart every thought, decision, action, EVERYTHING. Even as I type I hear them reading what I write to you. I am also attacked from a distance. The police tells me this is Hollywood espionage stuff. I live every day with the neighbors who have no familial or other affiliation to me IN MY HEAD! Any advice or info that you have will be appreciated. They have destroyed my quality of life and have relished every second of it. Please help. I have no idea how to block or prove I am being violated every day.
thank you so much for writing about this topic. Approaching the topic is one of the first steps to learning how to deal with the debilitating paranoia that often tags along with anxiety. I was afraid to even admit to having this problem that often locks me into moments of personal hell. I find great comfort and relief in your article.
This one is for Craig t do u think they might. Be a vimper not like the twilight bull shit I think I might even be one my best bet is don’t. Invite them in to your home that is true I don’t enter anybody home with being invite in and I mean anybody can invite them in.
And walk in light as well but can’t stand it 2to3 hours. Is what I can take until I start to brun that all I can say about that
CRAIG T!! I feel the same way as you are.I feel my thoughts are being violated. This shit need to stop. And there always in my head. I’m 25 and still learning about life in general. I honestly think that this shit need to stop. Aka I being a druggie for 7 years. Haven’t been productive in society but I really want to change
to: joe says
i feel the same as you my mind is being reed by neighbors when i was still studiying in toledo mind readers why arent dare some topics or records about them ive been serching for answers on how to stop them can anyone tell me how
no answers are writen in the comment box.?
haw can we stop them?
please we stop them we need your answers anyboody?
To : Craig T, Samuel, and Joe
I am Literally in the exact same boat. My Neighbours absolutely torment me with their comment about how i live and what i do, what i say , how i speak, they comment on every thing i do, even when im walking around the house, or doing the ironing, taking a shower even to what im watching on TV …the list goes on. They have destroyed any sense of my privacy and it feels they have robbed me of life. They know it too! I feel like im in Big Brother/1984 although this episode never ceases.
I wish i could just turn it off.!
I too have mind reading issues I was locked up for 10 months and was tourchered by jailers and inmates who could read my every move b4 I moved they had my memories my life at the tip of their words and now everyone around me is doing it coughing every time to let me know their in my head it’s painful and exhosting draining I hate them all for the secret I do not possess
This is total bs.. Ppl can read my mind I was once able to read others minds and my doctor thought I was hearing voices so they put me on clonazipine and it totally reversed it now ppl hear everything I think not everything is my thoughts its a curse.. I once had a wiccan who let me make a wish and I choose to b psychic and she told me there is more than one kind of psychic abilities I asked her like what kind of psychics r there she just said nevermind. So yea this site don’t know wat ur talking about.let me know wen u figure it out
Hi that wasn’t very empowering, monsieur/Madame ‘guru’