Today I wanted to touch on a subject that I have struggled with for years. That issue is the connection, or lack thereof, with the people we love. This problem is not just between you and your significant other, but also between you and your sibling, parent(s), friends or even your dog.
As I have mentioned many times in the past our anxiety disorders tend to make us selfish worrymites thatĀ only think about our disturbing thoughts or symptoms and how they are affecting us. During this worry time we exclude others from our lives and seem reclusive. There are also times when we shut others out and it is not something we always do on purpose, but then again there are times when we would rather be alone because we just don’t feel like anyone else gets it (complicated right). Unfortunately as you’re busy building problems and taking them apart brick by brick you stop tending to your relationships.
Not paying attention to the proper people in the proper way is something that creates all kinds of problems. The problems become very apparent when you’re “sober” and not filled with anxiety. You have a couple of good days and people then hit you with questions like “what was wrong with you” or “your so selfish and I can’t believe you don’t pay any attention to fill in the blank”. At this point you may become defensive and say “Who? Me?” You think that everyone else is crazy until you stop and reflect.
This happened to me just a few days ago. In fact when it hit me I was working on this blog. My wife was trying to entertain our two year old son and every time she passed my office she would glare at me as if to say “man you really suck right now”. And I really could not fault her either because I had been growing distant from the family slowly but surely for a long time. Especially now that I am very dedicated to this blog and the distribution of good information for people that I feel need it. Like all of us I work long hours at an office then come home and pour another three hours into my research and writing. Overtime my wife has developed a real dislike of what she thinks are silly preoccupations.
My wife has given me looks in the past that say “get over it” and she has even said that she doesn’t know how to help me with this anxiety business. However at no time have I ever assumed or believed that she loved me any less just because she didn’t “get” my anxiety disorder. Not everyone is going to understand you or how you feel, but that should not be connected to how you feel or act toward those you love. The truth is sometimes you will have to force yourself to not fall into the self pity trap that we so often canon ball into.
But what is important to note here though is not the normal animosity that emerges from time to time, but the fact that our anxiety and constant nervous tension makes it real easy to disappear into our own mental corner. So if at all possible do what I have been doing and make time for those you love. You may not be working on any particular project, but whatever it is keeping you in deep thought drop it for a little every now and then. Just the other day I came home from work and picked up my son and took him to the park straight away. I didn’t have dinner or even change from my office rags. We went to the park and played in the sand for awhile and even though he can’t talk we had a great time.
The point is that you should try to not neglect those you love simply because you don’t feel good. Call your mom, brother or sister even if you don’t feel like it and make the effort to talk to them and show them you care. In the process you’ll be helping to strengthen your relationship but also provide your brain with a different form of distraction. It is so easy for us all to just lock everyone out because they just don’t understand the amount and sheer duration of our suffering. But believe me allowing anxiety to steal your joy and your love relationships is too much. Don’t let it slip away and try to be cognizant of other people and how they feel. None of us has enough time to do what we really want to do and at the same time many of us are too sad to even try to do what we like. Either way we have to find a way through the haze of anxious thought and feeling and reconnect with those we love. I will be making more regular attempts to do this and I hope you do too.
Hi. I HONESTLY COULDNT DESCRIBE MY ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND MENTAL ISSUES ANY BETTER. I FELT LOST AND CONFUSED AS IF IM LOOSING CONNECTION WITH MYSELF, INCLUDING EVERYONE AROUND ME WHILE ALSO LOOSING TOUCH WITH REALITY. IN A MAZE OF WORINESS AND SORROW DELUSIONAL THOUGHTS. HATING MYSELF DAY BY DAY WITH THE THOUGHT THAT IM JUST AFFECTING, IGNORING AND PUSHING MY LOVED ONES AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE IM CONSTANTLY FEELING THIS WAY. MY ANXIETY ISSUES HAVE ATTACHED STRINGS ALL AROUND ME AND I FEEL IS TAKING FULL CONTROL OVER ME PULLING THE STRINGS MAKING ME REACT AND BE A TYPE OF PERSON IN WHICH I DONT WISH TO BE. HAS ME PERFORM LIKE A MARIONATE BETTER YET I FEEL LIKE PINOCHIO. WISHING I HAD NO STRINGS ON ME. I USE TO NOT ALWAYS BE THIS WAY, ANXIETY HAS RUINED MY LIFE AND I FEEL ITS AFFECTING MY CONNECTION WITH MY LOVED ONES AND HIDING TRUE MY FEELINGS TOWARDS THEM. I FEEL LOST I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE. I FEEL LIKE NO ONE COULD EVER UNDERSTAND ME AND HOPING I COULD SOME HOW FIGURE OUT A WAY ON HOW TO DESCRIBE AND EXPLAIN WHAT IS LIKE AND HOW I HELPLESSLY TRY TO TAKE CONTROL TO OVERCOME THIS HORRIBLE FEELING BUT ITS SO STRONG THAT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I TRULY CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO EVEN AT LEAST IGNORE IT AND PRETEND ITS NOT THERE. JUST TO TRY SPEND A BIT OF DECENT GOOD QUALITY TIME WITH MY LOVED ONES BUT ITS REALLY HARD TO TRY PRETEND, IGNORE & HIDE THESE FEELINGS AND ALL THE HORRIBLE THOUGHTS THAT RUN THROUGH MY MIND WHILE IM STRUGGLING WITH THE ANXIETY. I FEEL SO WORTHLESS AND HELPLESS THAT IVE ISOLATED MYSELF FROM SOCIETY, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I SPENT MOST MY DAYS LOCKED IN MY HOME JUST BECAUSE I FEEL STUCK & IM AFRAID OF SETTING FOOT OUTSIDE. WHAT HURTS ME THE MOST IS THAT MY FAMILY IS WHOS PAYING THE PRICE AND IT ISNT FAIR FOR THEM BE BE STUCK OUT HOME BECAUSE OF MY ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND MENTAL ISSUES. ALL THIS STARTED AFTER I HAD A SLIP AND FALL ACCIDENT WHICH I NEVER FULLY RECOVERED FROM WHICH CAUSED ME TO SUFFER FROM CHRONIC BACK PAIN AND MIOFACIAL BACK PAIN. DISTURBS MY SLEEP, RESTRICTS & LIMITING ME FROM ALL THE HOBBIES AND WONDERFUL THINGS I ONCE ENJOYED DOING IN LIFE. EVER SINCE THAT ACCIDENT MY LIFE COMPLETELY CHANGED. I BEEN LIKE THIS GOING ON FOR 6 YEARS AND REALIZED I SLOWLY BEEN DEVELOPING ANXIETY ATTACKS, DEPRESSION MOSTLY STRESSED OUT ON DAILY BASIS WHICH CAUSES ME TO CRASH IN A MENTAL STATE OF DEPRESSION AND PHYSICAL FATIGUE AND ANXIETY. I RECENTLY BEGAN TO SEEK PROFESIONAL HELP FROM A PHYSCOTHERAPIST. HOPING IT WOULD HELP ME HOW TO OVERCOME OR ATLEAST LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH THIS FEELING SO I CAN SOMEHOW TAKE A BIT CONTROL OR A GRIP ON MYSELF TO HOPEFULLY GET MY LIFE BACK. BECAUSE I SPEND EVERY SINGLE DAY WITH MY MIND ALWAYS RACING & SO BUSY THINKING ON HOW CAN I CHANGE THIS WHILE MANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS STUMBLE IN TO INTERRUPT AND OVERPOWER THE POSITIVE THOUGHTS I TRY TO RECREATE WITH EFFORTS TO SOMEHOW OVERCOME MY ANXIETY AS WELL TO IGNORE ALL THAT IS AFFECTING ME TO PREVENT IT FROM AFFECTING & HURTING MY LOVED ONES. IM NOT GOOD AT EXPLAINING OR EXPRESSING MYSELF SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR LONG STORY OR DESCRIPTION OF MY ANXIETY EXPERIENCE & ISSUES. THANK YOU FOR YOUR BLOG IT WAS TRULY A GREAT RELIEF TO ME, KNOWING THAT THERES OTHERS OUT THERE WHO DO UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS WHICH CAN PROVIDE BEST ADVICE AS POSSIBLE WITH THE INTENTIONS TO TRY HELP GUIDE US THROUGH THE STRUGGLE OF OUR ANXIETY ISSUES & SO WE CAN BENEFIT BY BETTER UNDERSTANDING HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT FOR OURSELVES AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND US. THANK YOU SO MUCH. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR LOVELY FAMILY. I PRAY FOR YOU ALL LIVE IN PEACE LOVE AND HARMONY. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND YOUR HOME.
Truly amazing!! I felt like that was me writing this, word for word…All I can say right now, is thank u for making me aware that I am NOT alone fighting this battleš…thank u for posting this