I love to help people.
In fact, this entire blog represents my sincere compassion for people who live with abnormal anxiety.
I write and create podcasts here because I care.
I don’t do it for money or recognition. I do it because I want to help you.
Now imagine how I feel when I get criticism delivered in a rude or smug manner.
As if someone who’s devoted hundreds of hours of his own time to help people for free deserves that.
It’s uncalled-for.
The Provocation
I bring all this up because in the last week I’ve received two particularly harsh comments through email about my podcast. Both people, independently it seems, said that I “ramble” on my podcast and that my work is “unrealistic” and “untrue.” Really?
I’ll say this: I do ramble. That’s how I speak. But that’s how most of us speak. When we’re talking we sometimes go here, we go there, and then we backtrack and repeat something we’ve just said but in a different way. It’s called conversing.
All that being said, I didn’t think the criticism about my podcast was crazy. After I thought about it I realized that I could shave off about 10-15 minutes from future podcasts. That’s a good thing.
However, the criticism would have been more meaningful and appreciated if it was delivered with respect.
The reality is that I don’t know you. You don’t know me. So why would you approach me as if you did?
My Response
All I’m asking is that if you take the time to help me improve by leaving a comment or criticism that you please remember to do so with courtesy.
And as far as my work being unrealistic and untrue, let me just say that I disagree. I speak in a simple voice because I want to reach everyone. I have a knack for making the complicated easy to understand. That, however, in no way makes what I say any less true.
My work is always based on sound psychological theory. I don’t speak about theory because that would be boring and harder for some readers to digest.
Finally, to the other 99% of my readers that have left me wonderful messages of thanks and appreciation over the past 3 years, thank you.
Ok, I feel better now.
For one I am thankful for everything that you have done and will continue to do. I’ve been thru so much and I really enjoy all the podcasts and everything you write. It is easy to understand and it comes from someone who understands ME. Thanks!
Hey Paul.
I read something one of your critics wrote recently, and I thought their comments were completely uncalled for (right, dana?). Everyone has their own style of speaking or writing when presenting a topic. I, for one, find your podcasts informative, and I always come away with a different and more enlightened outlook.
I propose that if someone doesn’t like your work, they should move on to a different site that better suits them. I find the people that are the most critical have the least self-esteem – they figure they can boost theirs by knocking someone else.
Keep up the good work Paul, and don’t let the losers get you down. The rest of us appreciate all the hard work you are doing!
@Sookie – Thanks Sookie, I appreciate the feedback.
@Sue – That’s a good point Sue. I guess I aim to please everyone to a certain extent and that’s just not possible. There are indeed other sites they could visit if they aren’t satisfied with this one.
I actually like the “rambling” part of your podcasts. It makes it very easy to listen. Plus the anxiety sufferers need to have the stuff repeated and restated over and over again for the truth to finally sink in. That’s just the nature of the disorder: you tell the sufferer the truth about his affliction, but he’ll still have a bunch of doubts and what-ifs about the information he’s just heard. Sometimes one has to be a broken record to get through this kind of negativity.
And as for the people making rude comments–ignore the idiots, they happen in any kind of environment. Keep up a good work, your site is one the of best on the web.
Irena, you’re so very right. Repetition, it seems, works best on anxiety.
In retrospect, I now realize that some people will never be happy with anything they’re given and at the end of the day that’s not my problem.
Thanks. =)
I have gained a lot from the podcasts I have listened to but will admit that I have trouble staying focused on the subject – I am dyslexic and struggle to filter the wheat from the chaff and get easily distracted and can’t focus for long periods of time! Whilst the podcasts I have listened to have helped, I must admit I don’t listen to every one because of the length and extra content and also its a time issue, I just don’t have the time to listen to them! But like someone has said, its your style and many people like that, its a shame it wasn’t constructive criticism you had 🙁 hopefully tho adding my thoughts is more constructive – but by all means you know what your goals are, who and how you want to reach people, its never going to be for EVERYONE! Thanks for your efforts Paul. Hope this helps.
Rude criticism says more about the person delivering the remarks than it does about you Paul. Thank you for everything that you do!
Paul,
I understand you wanting to please everyone, as that is part of our disorder, at least it is with me. The fact is though that we can not please everyone. Know, and realize that you do help many people. The critics will eventually move on. There are plenty of other choices out there for them.
Paul, keep up the great work man. You should have wrote “How to give Paul criticism…don’t!” It’s unreal that people criticize you, you are here trying to help people the best way you know how through your own personal experiences and I feel you do a great job of it and enjoy reading and listening to your material. I have written you a personal email before and you responded promptly, proof that you do want to help. CRITICIZERS…nobody is holding a gun to your head making you visit anxietyguru.net. If you don’t like what Paul has to say, go to another website. Go ahead and google anxiety forums/blogs, the last post you will see is from 2008, good luck getting help/advice from those moderators. If you don’t agree with what Paul has to say, no need to bash him. He is here to help, not to argue.
Paul – Just wanted to give you a heartfelt THANK YOU for your time & dedication to your site/podcasts/etc. Keep it up!
Hi Paul,
Sorry to hear about the criticism you have been receiving, there is no pleasing some people! I for one am truly grateful that I have found company and reassurance through your work. After years of searching for help I can finally relax and enjoy your timely letters and comments..
Scott 🙂
Hi Paul…
Just wanted to send you a message of support from over the pond, here in the UK. I think the work you do for anxiety sufferers is very honest, straightforward, and right to the point. You give of your own time because you care, and want to share what you have picked up over the years. Even so, as you rightly notice, there’s nothing wrong with feedback on something that is given free of charge…AFter all, it’s still a “product” that’s out there and open to criticism. But, as you say, it is right, at least to hope for considered and constructive feedback. Alas, the internet being what it is, I fear we will find ourselves unable to control exactly what happens next, especially in terms of public responses to this or that. As copyright owners the world over has found, the internet is truly a wild beast! However, very good luck with your continuing great work in this field which so desperately needs it. I know many people that suffer from anxiety and haven’t even got past first base of admitting it. I for one will continue to value your daily emails and nuggets of information, ESPECIALLY re. blood pressure.
Best wishes,
Paul Richards
Paul – I think the other comments echo my feelings exactly. When you ‘ramble’ (as I do all the time) it makes me feel like I’m talking to a friend who knows exactly how I feel, and when it comes to anxiety none of my in-person friends have any idea how it feels. I also want to say that on one of my worst days where I felt I was losing my mind, I found your podcast about us NOT going insane because of anxiety, and I can tell you it made all the difference in the world. I know it’s hard, but try to ignore the few people who feel the need to be rude. They clearly need to go somewhere else if your site is not a good fit for them. Thanks for everything you do!
Paul –
I have been helped so much by the website over the past year or more…in fact, I hardly come here anymore. And that’s a GOOD thing. I feel like I have my life back, mainly due to your efforts and the resources you pointed out. Thank you a million times over. But after I saw this pop up in my in-box, I felt that I had to comment!!
One of the reasons that this site was even more helpful than others – apart from your wonderful dedication – was because most of the time the comments were courteous and uplifting. It made the whole experience that much better.
So while I’m offended for you that people would be less than courteous, it also makes me sad for this community as a whole. I appreciate sincere, constructive criticism too, but somehow it’s incredibly hard for me to see rude comments when I’m having a moment where anxiety is getting the better of me. I hope in the future, people will really think twice about the comments they are leaving.
Thanks for raising this issue, and I hope you know how many people are behind you, supporting you, and being grateful EVERY DAY for the difference you are making!
Cheer up, Paul! All you’re doing is very helpful. Tastes differ. Critics usually have a lot of anxiety. Perhaps the criticism and rudeness – it is their usual way to cope with anxiety. They just have not been able to master your recommendation)))
My dr. has put me on clonanzapan and I am worried I could get hooked on it…any ideas for me on this issue?
Paul – a wise person told me many years ago after I had been verbally lashed at “Birds pick at the branches with fruit on them”. In other words, because you have such a productive and caring-for-others life … you will be picked upon. In a way it’s the price you pay for making such a HUGE difference in the lives of so many. BRAVO for all that you do in such an honest and vulnerable style.
Paul, let me have the email addresses of these ungrateful punks. I’ll take care of this. 🙂
Look, as you know the Internet because of anonymity breeds a certain kind of classless behavior at times. People who would never have the guts to be rude person suddenly decide that they can be aholes behind the safety of their computer. These are obviously sad people who probably need your help more than anyone. But, their lack of insight into their own character leads them to lash out at you for something like this. I mean, how can you take something that’s free like a podcast and get yourself worked up into anger over insult the person who was trying to help you at no cost.
For the record, I happen to like the fact that you’re podcast may “ramble a little bit.” if these e-mailers thought about this a little more they might realize that a big part of curing anxiety is repetition. Part of the “rambling” has to do with repeating the same thing over and over in different ways to try to reach people in ways they may not have thought of. I know your podcasts are unscripted and I think that’s a great way to go. It feels more real and personal that way.
I know I don’t need to tell you this, but you clearly helped hundreds of people on a daily basis with this site. Don’t let a couple of ingrates even phase you. We all greatly appreciate your tireless, FREE work.
Thanks again for everything. Look forward to the next long, unscripted podcast!
(written from my phone so sorry for formatting errors )
Whoops, I also see that Irena beat me to the punch about the repetition aspect. Seems like most people get it. Hopefully the complainers will at some point, or they can go find some other free help that’s better. (Good luck with that!)
Wow. No one is forced to read your posts. I am glad for your information and
The feedback.
Hi Paul
I am from India and I must say that, I have been able to gain considerable control over my anxiety symptoms only because of learnings from your blogs and the additional learning material you suggested in your blogs. I even subscirbed to you podcasts and listen almost every day.
Pls keep up the good work and pls feel free to let us know, how can we help you make this site better, more famous, so that you can also benefit from it as your readers do.
My 2 cents, even God had to handle criticism, so who are we!!
There is a popular saying in India(may not be able to translate it verbatim), but message goes something like “Critics can help you improve by sharing what is sometimes hidden and also keeps your ego in check”.
Meanwhile, i have a request about your thoughts on controlling Anxiety, Panic Attacks before key meetings, presentations, how to keep them in check.
Warm Regards
Aby
Paul,
Just to reiterate what others have said, please don’t let those criticizers get you down. You have helped me so much deal with my anxiety, as you’ve helped COUNTLESS others. You are truly a blessing to those of us who suffer from abnormal anxiety. Never think any differently!
Hi Paul, I am a new Member to your Website and would first of all like to say a big THANK YOU for all the time, energy, thought and effort, that you put into it. I have done a lot of voluntary work throughout my life I am a young 61 year old now! and usually enjoy what I do for others – Human and Animals. Only last week my friend and I were given a hard time, just because the person who did it was in a bad mood when she arrived, and took it out on us. Perhaps some of these people who take it out on those doing their best,should think before they open their mouths and spend more time helping others instead of pulling others to pieces. Please keep doing what you do best.
WOW!!!
I’m stunned guys.
This goes out to each and every one of you – THANK YOU!
No, seriously. This means a lot to me. I’m over the critics; I’m just impressed by the out pouring of support.
As I read all the comments I kept saying “wow” and my wife was like what the heck are you doing over there!
I’ve learned two things here: A. I need to tighten up the podcast length wise. But that should make it easier for you to take them in and might even lead to more podcasts. B. Most of my readers care.
I know a lot of you don’t always comment because of various reasons, but to know that there are so many of you that value my work is precisely why I continue my work here.
I realize that I have something to say. Not everyone is going to like it, but at the end of the day that message is still taking shape and over time it will improve.
This is great.
I like the podcasts as they are and I don’t think you need to tighten. I like the conversational style. With anxiety, I don’t think just getting to the point is as helpful as a full exploration.
Paul…I find your style so encouraging and helpful….for me with severe anxiety repetition is something I really need. You do a wonderful job and I look forward to all your posts…Keep up the good work…
Paul,
I’m couldn’t be more thankful for your amazing site. Your dedication to helping people suffering from anxiety is wonderful. Please keep up the great work!!!
I like your style and I have come a long way listening to your pod cast and special report though I am still lacking in action I have learned to accept and have a great understanding I praise you Paul not only have you helped many, but have the courage to openly discuss the issue I am sure that another pitiful of anxiety is we don’t want to admit or reveal that we have a problem because as you know there are naysayers that would label us as crazy I thank you for all you are doing! On the other extreme I would love to see you deliver the message the tree gets old but that I am sure is a personal choice although we have never met I hold you in very high regard . So don’t let a few “unflattering” comments daunt your thoughts
Nonsense, Paul. You ramble? Good, please keep doing it. Is what you say a little unrealistic? Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that it can be true if action is taken by the individual.
You help me, for instance, every time you post an article. I read them all. They’re very insightful and I feel like if I hadn’t begun to read your blog I wouldn’t have made as much progress as I have today. Your blog is why I started exercise and dieting better. =)
So don’t let the hate overturn the love. You can’t please everyone and that’s just life. You’ll just end up hating yourself for trying too hard. 🙂
Dear Paul, thank you cannot describe how grateful I am for your help. Your anxiety booklet has become like a manual for me. I have had help in the past but never from someone who has also been severely impacted by anxiety. The way you describe your experiences and interleave them with professional information is remarkable. I have found the combination of your experience, and unique insight, combined with the CBT and mindfulness is what has got me through some extremely difficult situations this year. It is remarkable that you continue to provide such regular emails and updates for anxiety sufferers, and do so with no personal gain. It is hard to believe in this day and age that someone could be so gracious in sharing their expertise. When I read that you had received some criticism, like many others I was appalled, but later I realised that facing your fears and confronting anxiety can make you angry and frustrated, often lashing out at people who are trying to help you. Perhaps it is when you have tried many times to overcome anxiety and then discover how you (Paul) have been able to package it up then you can really see the benefits. I for one am extremely grateful to you.
Thanks Casey for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it and I’m so glad that I was able to help you. That, by the way, is my gain. When I know I’ve impacted someone is when I feel “paid.” Thanks.
THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR PODCASTS!!!!!!!! THEY ARE GREAT AND HELPFUL.. AND YOUR RAMBELING IS NOT an issue.. actually i think its great because i am sure many ppl can connect with you with more ease instead of you talking as a robot(not rambling… keep up the great. I deffenetly do not think you ramble. I like how you are casual when you speak as if your having a conversation.. It helps me connect with you more instead of you talking like a robot
I love that you talk to us like a regular guy, who can relate to this disorder. I like when you stumble, get a loss for words, it is showing the anxiety sufferer, geez, he can do this and and not feel the need to “put on” a show.We of all society should understand this!
You have helped me tremendously. Especially Panic Attack Survival cast, and perimenopuse, as this has triggered my panic.
big hug!
Kathie
Hi Paul,
Just wanted to say your podcasts are very useful and informative. I use your podcasts when I’m low or anxious, and I see it as an informal conversation. In fact I seek comfort from you talking! You speak so positively, and your most recent white coat syndrome podcast really got me, as I’ve got a phobia about doctors and health issues (phantom pains are a nightmare!).
Keep doing what you want to do. You can’t please everyone!
Tyron,
i agree with everyone else paul your doing a great job! i have both of your ebooks and audios and even know sometimes your reading the program ..you dont sound like you are! you sound like your right there next to us, talking to us as a friend..i have heard other programs ..they sound like professionals that are reading from a scripts..where as to you..it sounds like your telling it from the heart..i did listen to rich presta ..he’s good too..but u know thats a professional person that’s speaking for him..(nothing wrong with that)if you ever come up with a program of your own..i gladly would buy it..i think iam close to recovery now..ive gone through a lot of hell to get where im at..but for me ..i think u had the finshing touch’s..if there is one thing i would like to hear you podcast about ..it would be suggestibility and sleeping problems …suggestibility has been the one thing im still working on..im getting better at it..but i think its been the hardest one to go..at least for me, it’s been..keep up the good work paul.