I never hide the fact that I still get anxious sometimes. Despite not having the overt symptoms that I used to have, there are days when my skills get put to the test. Case in point: My recent vacation to Cozumel. After years of feeling pretty Yoda like, I figured this vacation would be no big deal. That is, of course, until I started to think about all the various things I’d have to overcome to make this vacation happen.
Suddenly I was faced with 7 of my greatest fears. Sure, I know a lot about anxiety and anxiety reduction, but the truth is that I had learned and applied many of those skills within the limits of my comfort zone. For me, dealing with anxiety in familiar places is easy. But what about in a metal tube flying at 39,000 feet? Or how about when you’re crashing into waves at over 40 mph in the middle of the Caribbean Sea? Well, it turns out that I did pretty good. That’s not to say that I didn’t have to dig into my bag of tricks though. I put forth some effort. In this week’s episode of The Anxiety Guru Show I discuss what I did to ensure that my vacation wasn’t ruined by fear.
In this episode you’ll discover how I conquered my fear of:
- flying
- deep water
- heights
- illness
- accidents
- loss of control
- and uncertainty
Listen to The Anxiety Guru Show…
To listen, you can click the play button below or visit the AG iTunes page. You can also enjoy a brief gallery of pictures that I took in Cozumel, Mexico.
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- I felt pretty anxious here.
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- Aerial view of Cozumel, Mexico.
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- Wearing the wrong kind of clothes!
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- MD88 aircraft we flew into Cozumel.
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- Beautiful sunset from our balcony.
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- Tumba del Caracol at Punta Sur.
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- Cool signs at Punta Sur.
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- View of Caribbean Sea.
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- Light house at Punta Sur.
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- At San Gervasio with my son.
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- Mayan ruins at San Gervasio.
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- Mayan ruins at San Gervasio.
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- Ka’na Nah pyramid at San Gervasio (1200-1650 AD).
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- Push back from Paradise Beach.
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- Jet ski fun on the Caribbean sea.
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- Snapping pictures in Cozumel.
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- I’m so glad I decided to take this trip.
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- View of Cozumel Palace.
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- Our actual flight path.
Show Summary:
• Sometimes we get “too safe” in our “safety zones” and then have to face anxiety all over again once outside of these zones. The good news is that many can still use the same tools that got them to feeling safe in other places.
• The anxiety guru doesn’t hide that he feels anxious at times but given that he was doing so well within the comforts of his current environment, he felt surprised that he experienced such a high level of anxiety as the trip to Cozumel approached.
o The first fear to face was the fear of flying. Prior to the flight, anxiety guru read up about flight safety etc . Once on the 1st leg of the flight, he felt extremely anxious but ‘accepted’ the anxiety and that he was on the plane and decided not to fight it. Acceptance is KEY. By the time he was heading home on the 4th flight, he wasn’t anxious at all – LESSON – Exposure is the ticket to freedom.
o Other fears popped up during the trip – ie illness(was bitten by an insect and feared illness) , heights, accidents, deep wate(went speed boating in deep water) – all these fears melted away once the anxiety guru faced and accepted.
• Reflecting back on the trip, anxiety guru feels that the anxiety was worth it to get him more comfortable outside of his safety zones. He now wants to travel more and see the world – he feels more free. He encourages everyone to keep facing and accepting and living a more authentic and happy life.
I dont have a fear of flying but rather a fear of having a panic attack trapped in a plane and away from my safe place. I use to fly all over the world alone to 3rd world countries and now cant. I have relapsed many times in the 24 yrs of panic disorder wreaking havoc on my life. I also black out with panic and its happened 3 x on a plane – once on a transatlantic flight where i needed cpr/oxygen. I still managed the 3 hr flight to florida for last 10 yrs until last yr when i blacked out on that flight……..last week i attempted the flight again and at the gate, i started to feel faint and backed out – i never did that before! I doubt i will ever fly again:(
I just think this simplifies anxiety too much. Exposure can work but normally it should be based on a hierarchy. And not everyone is in a position to expose themselves to what they fear every day. And some people will feel anxiety all the time, and it actually doesn’t go away completely. They don’t all come away thinking; wow, what a great experience! Anxiety sadly does rule some people’s lives because it isn’t just about negative and irrational thinking, some people have phobias from their childhoods. Anxiety can be very complex. I think MVP highlights this very well above. This podcast could make some people feel quite down at what they can’t achieve. I found it hard to decipher any real advice apart from face your fear type of thing. Yeah, tried that! And the fact that there is someone on this podcast who has suffered from anxiety for 41 years demonstrates just how intricate anxiety actually is. One size does not fit all. I think some people can spend years and years trying to recover but some of us have experienced such trauma in our lives that I can’t help but think…if only…to this podcast!
Thanks for sharing these experiences with us Paul. It’s nice to know that even the ‘Anxiety Guru’ is still human and has to actively participate in his own teachings.
I appreciate the reminder that awareness is always key to this illness, and by ‘choosing’ to respond in a way not attached to fear we can enjoy scenarios we never thought we could.
As one of your readers said in an email to you (that you responded to in this pod cast), I also look forward to every and all articles and pod casts from you. I always find a bit of peace, solace, and continued validation.
Hey Rebecca, I completely understand what you mean and I don’t fault you one bit for feeling that way. I actually used to feel the same way myself. I’m not sure how good I am at conveying just how sick with anxiety I used to be – it was terrible. So it’s not like I don’t understand the struggle. This podcast was also not meant to make anyone feel down, in fact, I hoped for the opposite. I wanted to show that an anxious, fearful person could grow and one day do what they think is not possible. And I certainly don’t think any of this is easy – far from it. But I do hold firm to the belief that unchallenged anxiety is the worst kind. If we don’t expose ourselves to our fears, even in baby steps, what then are we left with? Anxiety is complex. Facing your fears is complex. There’s no doubt about it. However, in my case simplifying things helped the most – which includes not over thinking everything. Ultimately, as complex as this issue is, the way you deal with it is pretty straightforward. There is no special advice, at least that I have found, that will satisfy every concern any of us might have. The challenge is believing that there is another way of thinking and being. And despite your long struggle with anxiety Rebecca, I believe that you can improve. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, the important thing is believing that you can.
Thank you for your support Todd. I really hope the podcast continues to help out a bit.
Paul loved your podcast! I recently just did the same thing by conquering my flying fears and water by going on a cruise and flying on a plane to get there. I was still extremely nervous to fly but got through it without a panic like I previously use to. I started with severe anxiety this last winter and through going through some counseling and using techniques have made significant improvements. I was still very nervous to go on the trip but so glad I did. I did have moments of fear but worked through them. It was well worth it. I’m having a bit of a hard time coming back to reality actually and coming home with Now some increased anxiety but hoping to work through that in the next few days. It shall pass :-). I loved what you said to the last letter. The person who has suffered many years. Your words of hope to him/her and to all of us that it can and will get better and to not give up hope and comforting and inspiring. Thank you! In my darkest days your upbeat presentations of anxiety techniques got me thorough. I’ll continue to work and improve. Thank you for your work!!
Yay Margie! What positive news. I’m so happy you were able to face your fears. With time I’m sure you’ll get even better at it.
Hi Paul, I’m glad you were able to enjoy your vacation in the Carribean.
I have been listening to your podcast for a short while, but I have heard almost all of them already. I heard so much that gave me hope about my own anxiety and agoraphobia that I listen to them every day. My anxiety comes from 20 years of being abused by my parents in every way. I felt terror on a daily basis from my earliest memories. I have been seeing therapists and psychiatrists for the past 30 years starting at age 19. They have all contributed to my recovery.
Today I feel capable of truly resolving my anxiety issues after working with my current therapist over the past 3 years.
Here is my question. What does it mean to work through the feelings that cause anxiety? I have been told that working through my feelings is a necessary part of getting past the anxiety. For example, I have difficulty leaving my home to do anything unless I have an appointment even if it’s something fun. So, how do I work through the feelings behind my fear?
If you have already addressed my question in a podcast or blog, please let me know and I will read or listen to them.
Thank you.😀
Deborah
Hey Deborah,
Thanks for taking the time to write in. How do you work through your feelings of anxiety? Well, for me anyway, it really starts with your thoughts, rather than your feelings. If you can identify the thoughts that come before (or even during) fits of anxiety, I think you will gain a much better understanding around what you’re actually afraid of. Next, take time to challenge those thoughts – really test their validity. If it turns out that your anxious thoughts are not based in reality, then with time the fear associated with those thoughts will decrease, thus your feelings of anxiety will decrease. I think what happens to many folks is that they get stuck on the feelings of anxiety alone (totally understandable). But, of course, this narrows your understanding of anxiety and keeps you locked in a state of vigilance and “what of” thinking. If you separate thought from feeling and you have a good way forward!