The other day we had several people over for barbecue and good times, but before the soiree took place I vowed to do two things – 1. Get drunk and 2. Be alright with being drunk.
Usually I’d tell you that alcohol and anxiety just don’t mix, and I think this is still the case. Lots of people use alcohol to cope with anxiety but inevitably this leads to alcohol dependence and – ironically – more anxiety. So it really is a non-starter.
But this post isn’t a celebration of alcohol or alcohol influenced text messages (of which I indulged in readily) but about how I conquered my biggest fear.
You see, 10 years ago my struggles with anxiety all started while I was in a drunken stupor after a party. Drunk, alone, and very unprepared, I was smacked upside the head with my very first panic attack and it was epic, at least for me.
I had never felt that kind of fear until that night. Sweating, breathing fast, heart pounding, I could not even bring myself to sit down long enough to ask myself what the hell was going on. But, since then, I’ve been unable to drink any alcohol of any kind and for any reason.
Throwing a party? Didn’t care. Celebrating your anniversary? Pepsi for me please. People toasting at dinner, uh hmm excuse me as I make my way to the rest room. That was me when it came to alcohol, escapist maximus.
But after all these years, all this research and writing, I felt like I needed to confront my big fear, which was essentially that if I allowed even a small drop of alcohol into my system I would either go crazy, die or both… in that order.
So then, I said enough. I’m going to swallow my own medicine, follow my own advice, and deal with it, finally. I was ready to challenge this boogie man that I had created because of my chronic anxiety.
And by the end of the night, I was taking shots, that is shots, with an s. I finally got drunk. I let go. I can tell you that my anxiety was lurking almost the entire time, but despite this I continued on my mission of polite drunkenness.
I’m telling you this to express my sincere belief that you can also conquer your anxiety related phobias. If I can, of all people on earth, get drunk, then you can absolutely confront your deepest fear.
Hate parties? You can learn to party with the best of them. Hate bridges? You can learn to cross the biggest bridge in the world. Hate exercise? You can workout, have your heart pounding, and be o.k. with it.
Up to this point I felt like I made tremendous progress in managing and living with my anxiety. But there was always that nagging feeling that I wasn’t letting go completely, then I just said screw it. I wasn’t going to allow myself to surrender to my biggest fear.
So, if you struggle with anxiety, phobias, and similar issues, just know that you can beat it. I don’t have any plans to take up drinking, but you can bet on me toasting with everyone else the next time I’m in that situation.
Cheers!
Its GREAT that you chose to drink to get tipsy to challenge your fears. Even though drinking can make some people develop panic and anxiety attacks, its best that you learn how to moderate the consumption amount of alcohol and learn how to deal with an attack once it arrives during the moment of being intoxicated or sobering up and/or hanging over from it. In life its important to live a free life and have FUN. Drinking alcohol is fun and as long as you do it responsibily and continue to improve on controlling your anxiety/panic attacks, you’ll be alright. 🙂
Hey Jaywood, I totally agree. Alcohol and anxiety are terrible together. But in my case the whole point was to conquer fear. And that I did. Feels awesome.
Excellent post Paul. I have the same Phobia I guess that’s what you call it, However mine is with pop. Before my generalized anxiety developed I used to enjoy Dr.Pepper,Mountain Dew, you name it. But because the caffeine in them creates a stimulant affect I shy away from it all like the plague. I think GAD is what you said you have also. Mine has been with me for a constant 5 years now, but I originally developed it about 15 years ago off and on and didnt quite know what it was, had episodes of hypochondria, shy episodes,muscle twitches ,undiagnosed aches and pains, depersonalization, you name it, but it always recended and went away for months or even years, but about 4 years ago decided to become a permenent resident in my brain. I have seen a therapist who is an expert in DR.WEEKES teaching and have taught me alot, there are days I am totally convinced I have GAD and manage it well, and then other days in which I beleive I have some odd neuro disease and that makes the symptoms even worse, or have strange worrys for no reason, But I guess that’s the nature of GAD. Thoughts=Worry=Tension=Body symptoms=Thought=Tension and the cycle keeps on going till you’ve worn yourself out. But back to the original post, excellent Paul, all of you dealings and writings on anxiety are exactly mine also, good to know that I am not the only one with this GAD. It is very hard to practice acceptance, the anxiety habit is so ingrained, but I beleive if we cannot totally get rid of the anxiety sword, we can over time dull it’s blade.
Cheers Paul,
Brett
Hi Brett, Interesting that you feared pop, because I had the same fear. Same reason too, the caffeine would wire me up and make me nervous. I tackled drinks like Pepsi and so on before I went on to handle my alcohol fear. But I also relate to all the other things you mentioned. It is hard, but we can all certainly get better.
Awesome congrats! I am just getting back to drinking myslef however not taking shots yet 😉 Good way to look at it, these substances are triggers that cause actual anxiety attacks not the cause of the actual deep rooted anxiety that we carry with us. These substances simply amplify sensations… but you already know that. 😉 I am simply not scared of the sensations anymore… hung over, headace, ect… they are what they are … rational thinking has really helped
It is sometimes true that the treatment does not have to be forced, rather, you have to discover in you chances of getting healed.
I’ve been a long time listener of your podcasts (though just started visiting the website). Just wanted you to know a HUGE smile broke out on my face as soon as I read that you had some drinks. Just listening to your pods I know how big a step that was for you. You’ve gotten me through more rough days and nights then you can imagine – I couldn’t be happier for you!
I’ll post more about myself as I get more involved in the site – seeing a therapist a few days a week and much improved (though still a a long way to go).
Just wanted to say I’m happy for you and hope you continue on the road of recovery.
Question – are your pods still posted on Itunes? I only see “old” ones.
BTW – probably moving w/the wife to SD fall of 2011 – by that point I’ll be back drinking so beers are on me!!!
Gabe
Hi Gabe, The podcasts should be up to date, but I’ll have to check to make sure. One alternative is to visit the “podcast” tab at the top of the home page. There you’ll find a link to my podcast feed… basically a list of the podcasts that I’ve done. And if you haven’t lived in SD before then you’re in for a treat. It is a beautiful city.
Cheers!
Hi. The last podcast I see is from May 2009. I know i can go through the site and listen but I prefer to have on my ipod as I take that w/me, learn from them, listen when having rough times, etc.
Thanks again.
Gabe
Hi Gabe, remember you can download podcast from the site and then onto your ipod. Thanks for listening!
Hi all!
First found your podcast 2 years ago when i first embarked on my rollercoaster ride through hell. I found them totally reassuring and relaxing when i was going through some really difficult times.
I often wonder whether drinking was the cause or the start of myanxiety/depression. The fact was that at the age of forty, and having no children, my fiance and i spent our evenings and weekends on the social scene. Never once did i stop to think whether i was leading this life because i wanted to, or just because it was routine.
Anyhow back in October 2007 it happened, i broke down, out of the blue! I struggled to cope through until feb ’08 when finally i gave in and went on the dreaded seroxat!! Initially it helped but i never felt ‘myself’ and being a control freak as soon as possible i started to wean myself slowly off (not without its problems).
During this time, i had continued to drink, lots at first but then gradually i realised that i would have to give up the booze and really look after myself if i wanted to get better and off that poison.
6 weeks ago i finally took my last dose of meds and for 3 weeks actually started to feel progressively better. Then i crashed. I felt back to square one. After all my hard work i feel as bad as ever. The Docs have now put me on some new meds Escitalapram (much to my dismay) but i couldn’t cope anymore.
Although drinknig is the last thought on my mind right now, I feel i have developed a phobia of Alcohol also caffiene and sugar. I’ve convinced myself that any of these substances will make me worse in the future.
Hayley X
Hey. I would just like to say that i am struggling with a similar
fear.
It all started when i tried a very small amount of magic mushrooms and after drinking a cup of coffee on the magic mushrooms i got a panic attack which was terrible, i had never felt so much fear in my life and it just came out of nowere. I was feeling anxious for about 2-3 months after the event and now when i drunk caffeine it would raise my anxiety levels which i actually believe to be psychological because now i can drink coke without feeling anxious(although i still have avoided coffee).
But now i want to try and drink alcohol for the first time since the event but i whenever i just drink a little i will get anxious, and i believe this anxiety comes from the thought of what it is doing in my head and if it will trigger another anxiety attack and if not i’ve heard about a person that had a magic mushroom ‘flashback’ on the day after (binge)drinking alcohol.
I really want to conquer this fear soon as i have some parties and would like to drink a little.
I’m going to continue trying and hopefully it does not trigger any anxiety and that it has just been psychological so far(which i believe it has)
I hope i’m not to late for you to read this :S.
awesome awesome my friend … sir every time i read somthing about your own anxiety problem i feel like some of that is me !!! for some time i have the same problem with alcohol !!!
thank u sir love ur site again thanks !!!