When anxiety becomes a problem it’s hard to cultivate solutions. Instead, you’re more likely to focus on the problem itself, or maybe even uncovering some quick way of making it all stop, which makes sense. Yet, as natural as this instinct is, what happens when this quick solution doesn’t materialize? In my experience, people usually become frustrated with their inability to overcome this major life issue. That’s why when you feel stuck with anxiety it is critical that you go back to the beginning and figure out the most basic details of your experience. What time is it when anxiety strikes you the hardest? What are you doing and who are you with? How bad does it get and what symptoms accompany the most difficult times? If you can figure out these details it becomes easier to determine where you should focus your recovery efforts.
I understand why people want to skip steps and just make it all go away. But thoughts alone will not make you feel better. It helps to determine what your specific problems are so you can deal with them in a targeted way over time. That’s a whole lot better than thinking of anxiety as a faceless glob of fright. If I knew that my anxiety was at its height between 7am and 10am perhaps creating solutions, or making adjustments, to deal with it at this specific time of day could really make a huge difference. Makes sense, right?
So, listen now.
In this episode of The Anxiety Guru Show you’ll hear about:
- How to use self-monitoring to identify problems
- What steps to take to turn problems into goals
- Different examples of this process at work
- Responses to recent emails
To listen, you can click the play button below or visit the AG iTunes page.
Want to support the show? Learn more here.
Just have to say thank you so much for doing these podcasts! Beyond the knowledge you share, your attitude and overall “aura” is very soothing and calming. I look forward to your new podcasts and enjoy going back to the old ones as well. If I’m having a particularly bad day/week I make it a point to listen to your show to help ground me. Again, thank you so much and I’ll make sure to send you some show suggestions to help keep you going! 🙂
Thank you Christina. I really appreciate the feedback!
Paul, thanks for doing these excellent podcasts. These often help me through a tough day. Any chance you could do some more episodes on health anxiety? Perhaps specific topics relating to that, phobias, specific fears like cancer, motor neuron disease, etc….
Hi Paul, when I first started researching anxiety, your podcast was the first I came across. You have helped me so so much with battling my anxiety and depression. I love the podcast about why we think scary stuff? You’re awesome, please keep up the great work!
Thankyou for your comforting podcast,really helps to know I’m not alone with anxiety and its crushing symptoms ,
You are welcome Karen!
Thanks Narissa!
I appreciate that Nate. Thanks for listening!
Hi, Paul: I really find your podcasts and your blog and website helpful. I have looked in the archives, but I wonder if you have ever spoken about Co-Dependency? For me, constant worry and trying to control (which is impossible) others has been the main source of my anxiety although your podcast has helped immensely. In any case, a suggested topic would be Co-dependency. Many thanks for all that you do.
Im curious if anybody else experiences anxiety in social situations. Like not full blown social anxiety.
I mean if you were totally normal prior to developing general anxiety or panic attacks and now being stuck in your head causes uncomfortablity in social situations. Like its harder to hold a conversation with my friends and the worse I feel the worse it is.
Its a really disturbing symptom.
Love your podcasts and can’t wait to use this tool.
my question? how does one address anxiety that is triggered by their spouse’s voice?
i would like to post questions in the secure email or membership forums but do not want a response via email or automatic response from the forum alerting me that someone responded – i only want to receive a response through the web site forum or on a podcast. no matter what i cannot have any responses land in my email. i know i don’t get notification if i post here – hence this is where i feel safe asking about this. also, i am a member and can’t figure out how to post in the forum. i only have options to search and subscribe to a particular thread.
the general newsletter i get in my email is no problem. i just can’t afford personalized responses.
my major concern is that i have no email privacy. all computers in this house i share with my husband. separate profiles on our computer are out of the question – he would want to know what i am hiding no not an affair or something like that, he fears i complain to others about his behavior. he often reads what i write over my shoulder or reads my email later. he is a large source of my anxiety. there is no physical or verbal abuse but he is a control freak. we have done a lot of counseling but at the end of the day he does not agree that he is any part of our problems, he insists its all me. quite frankly in our 25 years of marriage he has never admitted he was wrong about anything and has never apologized to me – that would be admitting he’s made a mistake. we just have good old fashioned fights and i live with the constant reminder of how much he does not approve of my thoughts or actions. the mere suggestion that he may have had an error in judgement infuriates him. i swear if he ever heard a recording of himself he would have a nervous breakdown because mentally, he couldn’t handle the possibility that he is fallible.
i think its pretty obvious this is a large source of my anxiety. i get exposure therapy every single day but when it has to do with the relationship with the one you love, its not as effective. this is a very hard road for me. i do not work and he does not work – much – outside the home. our income is rental property investments and i am expected to accompany him whenever we have issues to tend to regarding the properties. we are rarely ever apart – however he is gone at the moment for the next few hours. he doesn’t restrict my ability to go out – this isn’t abuse in the traditional sense, and doesn’t usually have a problem with me visiting my sisters or family but he resents it when i try to make friends. basically he is very insecure and has his own anxiety issues – but of course he doesn’t admit it other than to say that when he feels bad its because of my behavior.
i’ve never had a panic attack but the idea of leaving him – even just having a “plan” – gets me awfully close to that. my therapist suggests that having a plan, even if i have no intention of acting on it, can be effective. my therapist specializes in REBT, rational emotive behavioral therapy, albert ellis’ approach that was a precursor to CBT. so, i am very familiar with, and practice challenging my irrational beliefs, such as insisting that my husband change. i know that doesn’t work. i have to change my thinking and approach to his behavior – since i have already decided that leaving him is not a solution. i won’t draw that line. so i have to find another way to keep from “disturbing” myself and accept that this is who i love.
we have children (actually my step kids but they grew up in our household) and grandchildren and no one else (other than our grown kids) is aware that this is an issue between us. everyone else thinks he is wonderful and charming – because when others are around, he is. our kids have addressed with me that they don’t like how their father treats me – but basically write it off as him being a jerk – which for the most part that is what a lot of it is – he’s a pathological jerk. he doesn’t met criteria for an actual narcissistic personality disorder – other than an inability to accept fault or blame. he doesn’t have a sense of self importance and doesn’t have a need for others to admire him nor does he fantasize about unlimited success or power. he is manipulative in a passive aggressive way, not in a consciously malicious way. he can be provocative, but not a bully.
its not that he has no empathy or compassion towards others – he does, but altruism does not come easy to him. many would question why i would stay with him. we can go weeks, sometimes as much as a month, without having any “fights”. we have a lot in common and in many ways we actually compliment each other. for the most part when we work on projects we work well together.
if i could deal with the anxiety and just learn to accept him and not take it personally, it would help a lot. i just don’t know how to do that.
Hi Paul,
I Enjoy your podcast. I used to suffer from particularly bad anxiety when driving so i can relate to the first part. Having a panic attack while behind the wheel is not fun…
Thankfully those days are behind me but i’m sure your exercises will be of help to many people. You are doing great work here, congratulations!
Best Wishes,
– Luke
Hey Luke, thanks for the feedback. Glad you’re doing better!