Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

I am psyched to introduce you to AG’s first full time contributor Valerie Murphy. I met Valerie over 3 years ago at my first internship. I always thought that Valerie was a blast to be around, but I later found out that she also happened to be an anxious person! I had so many questions.

Over time we became friends and eventually I asked her to share her knowledge and experience with my audience here at AG. Over the past few months we have been working hard to develop new material and even plan to start a free webinar series to strengthen your understanding of stress and anxiety. Please join me in welcoming her to AG! – Paul Dooley

As I look back over my life I think there’s a theme developing.

What used to be Carpe Diem for me, or “Seize the Day,” has turned into “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway!”

I was born anxious. I have an anxious family. I even attended a fundamental Christian school for 12 years.

Due to my background I’ve often heard people talk a lot about what you can’t do, what you shouldn’t do, about what if’s.

I’ve heard even more said about minding other people’s, or even God’s, opinion about the things I do. No pressure, right?

After trying out a number of different careers, and not succeeding at any of them, the fear began to grow.

That is, until I decided to finally follow my passion for helping others become a better version of themselves.

I have seen more success in the field of Psychology than any other, which has lessened my fears.

But don’t get me wrong, there are many times when I have been so anxious about a task that all I could see was a blinding white light.

In those moments I couldn’t even think straight and there were even times when I would call in sick for the sheer fact of being overwhelmed.

When I taught my first class of 27 students this was my experience. I still remember standing in the hallway waiting for the classroom to open up for us to enter.

I remember thinking that I wanted to run away, but also knew that there was no way out. I was committed.

I remember telling myself that I could not believe that the weight of a 2 hr class was on my shoulders. I had to lead this classroom of 27 students for 2 hours and I had no idea how this was going to go.

Now 4 years later I have taught 4 hour classes for anywhere from 15-25 students and I sail right through them. In my student feedback survey’s I often score 98%-100% in student satisfaction.

At the same time I started Toastmasters, a public speaking club. It probably took me at least 10 speeches to not have the thought of canceling only days before and making up some lie to get out of it.

On the way to Toastmasters on the day of my first speech, I was so nervous I kept rehearsing the speech over and over again in my head to the point that I missed my exit to get off the highway!

I thought for sure I was going to be late for my first speech. In the beginning I would always use notes, prepare for a speech a month ahead and talk so fast that the audience couldn’t process everything I was saying.

Now 4 years later, I am the president of my local Toastmasters club.

What I have learned from these experiences is how to feel the fear and do it anyway. What I want to share with you is that eventually the fear will subside and success, competence, and confidence will take its place.

I fully experienced this for the first time this year. During one meeting I noticed that my heart wasn’t racing, my hands and feet weren’t sweaty and I could think when they called on me to explain my role for the day.

Most recently, what I come to fully realize is anxiety is a thing I have to work on every day.

On a daily basis I have to consciously choose to work on my anxiety the same way I have to work on getting in shape or having a deeper relationship with my Higher Power.

When Paul asked me how I balance having the clinical knowledge that I do with my real life, in your face anxiety, the following steps came to my mind:

1. Make a plan and WORK the plan

I think two things happen when you tend to be an anxious person. One checking off a “To Do” list gives us a sense of accomplishment but two, decreases anxiety because there is one less thing to think about.

The plan must have 2 elements: 1) Be specific and 2) Realistic. By specific I mean time block tasks that need to be done.

I have even taken an inventory of how many working hours I have in a week and then how much time each task I want to accomplish that week will take.

For example, I will schedule when I work out, meditate/pray, my hobbies and actions steps needed to further my knowledge in my career.

I take this schedule with me to the office and back home so I can reference it throughout the day to stay focused.

Anxious people tend to lose focus easily and having this plan with me keeps me on track. All that being said, just remember this: whatever you track will improve.

2. Have a goal larger than yourself

Being hired on as a professor scared the heck out of me! Then I added on another challenge by joining Toastmasters.

I had to teach to supplement the minimal wages I was making as an intern, so not teaching wasn’t an option. I was terrified that I would have 27 strangers staring at me thinking, “Who is this chick? And why doesn’t she go teach First Graders!”

It’s this fear that kept me going back to Toastmasters until one day the fear went away and now I offer my expertise to new members.

Next time fear seizes you and all you want to do is hide, call in sick or lie your way out of it, remember fear is just a thing.

When you face your fear head on then what can fear really do to you?

Facing your fears is like shining a floodlight in a dark closet. Once there is light there is no darkness.

Also, can I just say something? I am so excited to be a member of the AG team.

I look forward to hearing your stories, getting to know you and walking with you on your journey towards recovery.

If you’d like to drop me a line please send it to valerie@anxietyguru.net.

And take a listen to my interview with Paul below!