Does it really help? If it ever works for you the reason boils down to two things: You have someone you can trust and you’re ready to talk.
But to tell you the truth, even trust and motivation isn’t always enough to help you come clean about your anxiety.
Think about it. What’s easy about baring your soul? It can be hard to do, especially if it goes against your nature.
After a few months as a student therapist I can attest to the difficulty some people have with sharing how they truly feel about their problem(s).
Adults are masters of disguise. We wear at least a dozen of them on any given day.
The problem, of course, is that this makes it hard to be ourselves.
We aren’t used to being authentic. I see it in my clients all the time.
They often walk in smiling from ear to ear and tell me about semi-problems, or about irrelevant memories. They talk about everything except the real problem.
And although I find this annoying, I also understand where it’s coming from. It’s a defense shaped by years of not wanting to be seen as weak, stupid, or crazy. Yet, even if this is a common reaction, I don’t think it’s productive.
Obviously you’d need to find someone you can trust before you spill your guts, but once you do I think it’s critical to “let it out.”
That’s not to say that talking works for everyone. Actually, in 2003 the radio show This American Life aired a segment about a 31-year-old man who had the chance to “let it out.”
He talked about his lack of joy, his unwillingness to let other people tell him how to live, and about how much he wanted to die.
Sadly, that man took his own life. Talking was of no use to him. He wasn’t able to, for several reasons I’m sure, get in touch with “it.” As sad as that is, it doesn’t change the fact that talking can be useful for most people.
Is talking useful because it can make you cry? Well, crying can be a stress reliever, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make.
See, sometimes, actually a lot of the time, we get stuck in circular thinking. That doesn’t mean you don’t understand the problem, it means you tend to get stuck on the problem and forget, or don’t know how to, solve the problem. That’s the equivalent of cognitive quicksand.
In terms of solutions the key is this: You have to find a way to re-frame your anxiety…
and you need to understand how you got where you are, how you can improve, and how your anxiety is related to the circumstances of your life.
Talking things out can help you accomplish all of this.
Yes, there is indeed more to it, I’m not trying to minimize your anxiety. What I am saying is that if you’re the kind of person who keeps their stuff bottled up inside you’re not doing yourself any favors whatsoever.
I’m not coming down on you for being mum if in fact you are one of those kinds of people. Just saying that talking can and does help many to filter their fears through another person’s eyes, which can turn your thinking around for the better.
Plus, simply hearing your thoughts out loud, with a person that isn’t there to judge you, can give you a tremendous amount of insight into your anxiety and how it’s affecting you.
And by God, if there was ever a golden ticket to peace of mind it does indeed ride on the wings of insight.
I bet you have someone in mind. Give them a call. Just do me a favor and don’t make it about your symptoms. Try to make the conversation about what you fear.
That’s the way out of this mess.
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Paul, I spent a little over 2 years with 2 different therapists. Motivated to stop the anxiety? You bet, I paid out of my pocket for the therapy. Did it stop my anxiety? No. Did it help me, as a person? Yes. It opened my eyes to things that occurred in my past, that shaped how I thought about events. It probably did help my anxiety in some way that I cannot see.
I did share my thoughts and fears of my anxiety. Talked about the potential causes, ways to change the thought processes,etc. It’s easy to talk, words are just words if you don’t put the feelings to them. Some have kept those feelings under lock and key, for whatever reason since childhood. Each time an event occurs it throws another locked door on those feelings,over time, it can be stronger than Ft Knox. It is self preservation of the self.
For me, I believe; a large part is releasing the ‘feelings’ that go along with the words. They are there, just under the surface. Every blue moon, a tiny bit of emotion creeps out and there is a huge surge of hopefulness that the dam will break and all the weight I’m carrying will fade and suddenly I feel that door slam shut. I don’t know how to re-open it. I truly believe that if I release these ‘feelings’ it would resolve at least 90% of my anxiety. How do I re-train my brain?
I think articulating your feelings is the key so if you don’t have someone or don’t feel comfortable talking to someone then writing is the answer. I have suffered with anxiety for the last 14 years and still struggle with it on a daily basis. While I have tried almost every therapy there is, I have found that writing, or keeping a journal, helps. Firstly it helps by getting your thoughts and feelings out of your head and second it allows you to reflect when you read it back at a later time. I hope this might help at least 1 person because anxiety is an awful world to live in.
I think talking about my anxiety helps… it’s conditional, though.
It helps to talk to other people who have similar issues because they understand and may offer tips on how to cope with anxiety that I may not have heard before.
It also helps to be up front with people about my anxiety. Especially when it can affect it. For example, the people I work with know about my anxiety issues and they know that I sometimes get panic attacks – this keeps me from hiding it from them and gives me peace of mind, knowing that if I needed to leave for whatever reason, they would understand why.
My close friends all also know about my anxiety, I’ve talked to them about it. This makes me more comfortable in situations where I may normally try to hide the fact that I’m having a panic attack. Usually, hiding it makes it so much worse. Being able to just quickly explain that I need to step outside for a second is a lot easier than sitting there in silence.
I did try seeing a therapist and psychologist a few times, but I didn’t find it very helpful in my situation. My anxiety improved significantly when I started treating my body and mind better – eating well, working out regularly and incorporating meditation.
Talking helps. It’s an essential part of the learning process which is critical to overcoming anxiety.
But the main thing is doing the work. Desensitization work, acceptance, facing the fears.
I could talk for hours about anxiety but it wouldn’t actually change anything. Addressing childhood trauma, talking about fears and worries, talking about symptoms… Helpful, often enlightening, but without the work the words don’t mean much.
That doesn’t negate the importance of talking about it. When discussing anxiety, you come out of your role of it’s victim and into the role of the observer. It can help get you into the habit of looking at anxiety rationally, something that is difficult to do in the midst of a panic attack and something that requires practice.
So talk regularly and talk honestly. It definitely helps you feel better and it’s an important aspect of recovery.
But when you keep talking instead of doing the work, you’re just allowing yourself to remain afraid. It’s resistance disguised as work. You can only talk for so long until it becomes just another way to avoid getting out there and actually facing your fears.
You offer really great advice, but this is one particular piece that does not work for me. Which, is to be expected, as we all have our own mix of emotions, experiences, and symptoms. I tried talking about my anxiety during an attack twice. The first time, I ended up going to the ER. The second time, I vomited (gross, I know…and it was in public…good times).
BUT, I have found that talking in general will completely eliminate an on-coming attack. For me, I have to get my focus OFF the anxiety to remedy it. For example, I get very anxious at restaurants (I think I’ve said this in all three posts of mine on your website, haha). My way of dealing with that is to engage in not casual, but avid discussion about something I am passionate about. Politics, religion, sex, whatever….anything BUT my anxiety.
What an evil little disease anxiety is. It’s different in all people. The treatment is different in all people. Sometimes it requires medication. Sometimes medication makes it worse. It’s a disease that feeds on our own personality…turns our worst fears against us. And to those who have never experienced it, we are a bunch of drama queens. We will overcome! 🙂
YES.. When your being spontaneous and talking things out without thinking to much about how it’s interpreted it really can help…at least it did for me..
So as for coping techniques I would say yes..
Cheers
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