Today’s post is brought to by Allison Gamble. She’s been a curious student of psychology since high school and brings her understanding of the mind to work in the weird world of internet marketing with psychologydegree.net.
Moving is an important transition in life that forces individuals to rethink their identity, give up what’s familiar, and frequently comes with a huge change in life – having children, getting married, getting a new job.
It doesn’t take a psychology degree to know that this kind of change can be a huge cause of stress.
Identifying the reasons for this stress, and addressing them promptly, is the first step in coping with your new move.
As possessions are sorted through and packed, many of these items will bring back memories. Some of those memories will be good, others painful.
It is possible to come across old letters or photos that bring memories of loss. This is also the time in which it is decided what will be kept, and what will be tossed away or otherwise left behind.
These discarded items symbolize that the familiar, comfortable life in which the individual is accustomed to, is about to be left behind as well.
When you live in the same place for a long time, you become accustomed to where things are kept. You learn the layout of the home, how to find the doorknob in the dark, where the light switch is from the other side of the wall, what windows let in the best light.
When you move, you have to figure out a whole new environment, and forget the old one. Have you ever found yourself opening a drawer in the kitchen to find a fork and knife, then realized that the drawer doesn’t exist in your new apartment?
This unfamiliarity can be a huge cause of stress during a move.
Similarly, you got used to the Smiths on your right and the Browns on your left at your old house. What if the Johnsons and the Garcias on either side of your new house don’t like you?
When you leave a house, you’re leaving a community. Moving frequently means that you’ll be forced to find new friends, to fit into a new community, to find a new pharmacy, school, doctor’s office, grocery store. Piling unfamiliar people on unfamiliar places can’t be easy for anyone.
People’s homes give them security. They serve as a shelter from the often harsh outside world, as well as from the elements. To move means to give up familiar security for the unknown.
Stress is a result of this security loss as it causes people to be on edge. For some people, it can take months before they feel secure and comfortable in a new home.
Every aspect of moving, from selling the current home, finding a new home, packing, saying goodbye to friends and familiar haunts, to settling in at the new location, is difficult.
Accepting permanent change may be the most difficult, as well as stressful, part of relocation.
Almost every part of ordinary life changes. You have to become accustomed to a new daily routine, new school or place of work, make new friends, get used to new scenery.
Add to this the burden of unpacking, finding new grocery stores, doctors, hair salons, restaurants, etc.; it soon becomes clear why moving causes so much stress.
Stress doesn’t have to be paralyzing, though. Here are some helpful tips to get you through your move:
*Provide Ample Time: If possible, plan moves at least eight weeks in advance. This is especially important if it is necessary to hire movers. Allowing plenty of time for a move greatly relieves stress.
*Organization: Create a list of all chores that need to be done in preparation for the move. Divide the chores into weeks. Allow enough days for each task to be completed.
*De-Clutter the House: Clearing out clutter from the home helps with organization. This way, when packing is started, only necessary items will be packed. Ridding clutter is also a way to let go of the past and prepare for the future.
*Seek Help: Asking for help can be difficult. However, most people have moved at least once during their life. They understand how difficult the process can be. Seeking help from family and friends can lessen the burden as well as provide an opportunity to spend time with them before moving.
*Say Goodbye Gradually: Allow plenty of time to bid farewell. A going away party can be very helpful. Take a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood each day. Spend time at a favorite hangout. Allow one last time for every special memory or experience. These small goodbye rituals help in the transformation from familiar to new.
*Eat Well and Get Ample Sleep: Good nutrition and being well-rested are vital to good health, which helps to keep stress levels down. Be certain to get plenty of rest and eat a nutritious and balanced diet.
*Visit the New Home Before Moving in: Visit and inspect the new home before moving into it. This is a good way to prepare for the new life that awaits. Look over the new space and plan how you will decorate and arrange it.
*Take Time for Self: During the process of a move, it is common for one to feel as if there is not enough time to get everything done. Personal needs are often neglected. It is important to remember to care of yourself during a move.
Enjoy a treat – a movie when you’re done for the evening, a run around your new local park, or check out a nice restaurant in your new hometown.
*Be Flexible: Remember that it is possible for things to go awry even for the most experienced movers. Unforeseen problems are likely to occur. Be prepared to deal with the unexpected.
While it is clear that moving is difficult and the cause of much emotional stress, recognizing the reasons for that stress and preparing for it, as well as the move itself, is the best method for coping with it. Although moving can be scary, it can also be a wonderful and exciting opportunity.
A little planning and preparation can ensure meeting this opportunity with as little stressas possible.
Hi Allison,
Well, I had left a longer comment expressing some thoughts about the article, but I think I forgot to hit submit. 🙂 In any case, thanks… and it was a good read, and I can relate to the subject matter. The origin of my anxiety disorder may be in a roundabout way linked to a move.
Thanks, and look forward to other articles.
We are moving, and without going into the whole story, we had to leave a toxic room mate.
Although I will be back on the West Coast, NY is my home,and I feel so many things.But I am done with the city life, as I am older, it changes your outlook.
We are taking a big leap of faith doing this, and my anxiety is high.
I will be alone for 6 weeks, as my spouse stays here and gets the move done and our pets driven out.
I am staying at a friend’s home, but no car, as I have not driven since living in NYC.
I am going to keep busy, walking, reading, as not having my pets around is a big sad anxious lump of….
This article, your podcasts, Paul, YOU have been there for me, I just download quite a few, and they play one after another, helping me off to sleep.
THANK YOU so much.
I feel better knowing your a website away!
Hugs,
Kathie Fowler
I’m moving for the first time in 25 years and the anxiety is overwhelming. I’m leaving a home that’s almost paid off and taking on a 30 year mortgage. Yet, I have a steady income and I know that real estate is a better investment than putting money into savings. I will miss 25 years of memories especially of my son growing up. Yet, I can now create new memories in a bigger, better home with room for more friends and, hopefully, grandkids. I dread the thought of all the work required to move. Yet, this gives me the opportunity to go through stuff that’s been stored for years and get rid of things no longer needed. I’m so comfortable in knowing where everything is in my neighborhood. Yet, I have the opportunity to find new places; maybe better stores, restaurants, etc. I’m extremely uncomfortable with change. Yet, this forces me to deal with this issue and work through my discomfort. I’m afraid of ending up in a big house with no one but my wife and myself. Yet, change is evitable and the emptiness may be temporary. Or, if not, we can always move to a smaller home. As you can see I’m trying to justify the change and, deep inside, I think this move is for the best. Still, my jaw is tight, I struggle to sleep, and I can’t stop the negative loop in my head. Thoughts?
Anxiety is bad. Had home flood two years ago, when lived with sister, and moved into hotel. Sister diagnosed with ovarian cancer and cared for her about 18 months and until she passed December 26 2014. I’ve been paying so much to live in this tiny hotel suite but have grown used to it. Living in a hotel, however, doesn’t allow for making long term friends and always sad to see then leave. Sister’s home restored and sold. Lost absolutely everything as septic involved. Anyhow, I’m in chronic pain and have very little energy. Mom came to visit and we began looking at apartments. I was so stressed I had tears in my eyes and my wonderful mom reassured me. Well I was approved for a one bedroom, the only one available, in paradise valley, Arizona. It’s across from the mall, big bus depot, grocery stores and restaurants. At hotel had to walk a mile from freeway to get to even a convenience store. Was approved and told could move in today, but awoke in great pain and emailed manager that I’m feeling bad and already paid ahead a week at Candlewood Suites Hotel. Told her I’d bring in money order Monday. I’m scared. Packed a big box today and have days of hard work. My partner, who has not worked since I’ve known him 6 years now is planning on moving with. I put my foot down and said no move unless you apply and have a job. His cigarettes alone are $240 a month. I’ve been stupid, let me tell you. He reminds me that we’re in love,I say we’re friends and he tells everyone we’re getting married. He’s an addict who is working at recovery and is trying hard. My mom said to get two twin beds and to make sure he’s working. I’m telling the internet this and at the last moment ad it’s making me sick physically. My doctor said my cortisol level is higher than she’s ever seen in anyone, inflammation Hugh and testosterone low. I’m scared. I’m a capable and intelligent guy who said goodbye to my young sister the day after Christmas and was cuddled with her and mom held her head. My sister said my friend is a sponge and these promises of helping me clean or get a job are empty promise. My dog is my d salvation and he reminds me of unconditional love. My friend does help to get a glass of water if I’m sick and had been supportive of me many times. Not a bad human being, just doesn’t help much. He says he will and each time I’m doing the laundry or cleaning so a guest can come in. His family is a mess and I’ve always felt for him as dad is a drug addict and mom too and she, sadly, lives on the street. My friend shares too much with people, stays up all hours of the night and past two days when I’ve needed help packing and cleaning, he’s been out with friends. I know what to do. An ultimatum and that’s it. But I’m afraid he’ll be aggressive and giving in will make it temporarily easier. He steals my medication and has admitted it, does it again and admits it but only after I’ve gone without for a week and gone crazy thinking I misplaced them or took them. I keep track but sometimes forget to take meditation bottles with me when I’m running out the door or walking the dog. I’m in my 40’s and hoping I’ve got some years to live. He tells me when I ask him to leave that he’ll commit suicide and can’t stay with any of his large family in Phoenix, Arizona. I’ve got no family here after my sister died and now will be moving into an apartment with respectable people and don’t want him running around sharing his or my business. Praying for some suggestions. Pete.
Hi just moved to a new place with my son, who had Asperger’s. We had to leave family home due to toxic environment of certain family members,. My mother passed in January and what I began to see from family members shocked me. It was to be a temporary stay which lasted 6 years. It affected my health, I also have mood and anxiety disorder. I believed that after my mother’s passing family would come together, but the opposite happened. I have been a caregiver to them for over 40 years of my life, but they never appreciated me. As well, their was molestation and incest from family members, and dealing with this trauma daily, I was given a priority residence through government. The dysfunction of my family reached a point where living there was keeping me and my son from healing and moving forward. This move is a blessing, but this all happened within the last month. I literally packed up 6 years of our lives, plus take another 15 years of belongings from a previous move. The preparation this week was literally done in 7 days. I’m overwhelmed with all the unpacking now. We don’t have any furniture except for a mattress to sleep on, and our tv’s. Physically I’m exhausted, and I find myself just looking at all these boxes and my mind blank as where to start. Our new apartment is so amazingly perfect. There is much healing to be done, and begin this new journey. It came just in time. My mental, emotional,physical and especially my spiritual well being are priority now. Getting settled in our new place is a new process, but still, there are waves of being overwhelmed, and I haven’t even had the time to grieve my mother’s passing, for the past 10 months due to the constant adversity in the family home we left. Please any advice will be appreciated. This seperation is letting go of family members who have been unkind for quute a long time, one of which is my brother who committed incest against me. I’m not sure why I wrote all this, but I know this move had saved me and my son. And what I also know is no one is allowed or will be allowed to interfere, take advantage of me, or pull me back into their dysfunction. After forty years family has not changed or grown with life’s experiences, but I understand and see the true realities of life and just want to live simply and in peace. I cleary know I now for forty years I was living their life and not mine. So how do I begin to set up my new place? There’s 20 years of boxes to sort through and organize. Where do I start? Thank you. Etta
Hi, slightly different dilemma than moving. I am having to give up my old car because to pay to get it fixed just doesn’t make financial sense anymore and everyone has said so. I have bought a new car and am going to have to trade in my old one. This is giving me such high levels or anxiety, sadness and almost guilt. I know that it is what is needed but I can’t get over having to let go of the old car. I experience this feeling often when getting rid of anything old or that has memories and I am struggling to know how to calm this anxiety down. Also I don’t know how many others suffer this ?