This question haunts me more than any other. I chase happiness like some people chase money, objects, or whatever they really, really desire. Happiness is an elusive concept to understand and attain even if you don’t have any mental issues to speak of but even then I think you can still be anxious and happy.
Being anxious and happy is a hell of a high wire act to pull off. But the reason I believe you can suffer with anxiety in the depths of your soul and still come out on the other side is because the things that make you unhappy, at least with respect to anxiety, are explainable and actionable.
Whaa? Well what makes you unhappy about anxiety? Depression, anxiety (fear) symptoms), apathy, self pity and a couple of other things but those are the majors. Even if you feel anxious continuously for long periods of time I believe you can achieve some inner happiness, relative happiness not so much.
First, for the sake of a well liked reader, yes you can certainly be full blown anxious for months. When I first developed my anxiety disorder I was "sick" with anxiety for 6 months – no bs. I had a constant sense of anxiety dread, tingles, and utter fear for the entire 6 months, but even then I was able to develop a sense of inner happiness overtime.
Relative happiness is the kind you get when you buy something, say shoes or a motorcycle or whatever. It is temporary and subject to the whims of external change. Whereas inner happiness is yours no matter what, like all those fabulous bits of information you learned in school that you can’t use anywhere else, but yours they are.
I’m talking about inner peace and happiness. Now, admittedly you can be a Buddhist monk and never get there, but you can if you try. The fact that you can try should be, I hope, a signal that you can do more to be happy than you’re doing right now.
What makes you really happy inside? Do that. Don’t make everything about anxiety and fear. That doesn’t mean that anxiety won’t jump up uninvited and pounce on your well being, but you also don’t have to stay down. When I said that the major problems of anxiety are actionable I meant that you can take meds, excercise, think positively, get therapy, listen to music, dance, take long drives, whatever works but take action.
Once you begin to DO stuff and stop just analyzing your inner turmoil you will feel happier more of the time. Maybe I’m delusional, but whenever anxiety and depression get the better of me I just wait for it to pass, because it always does. I always say to myself, "maybe tomorrow, or next week, but I’ll bounce back".
Life is so short and then you die. Which in and of itself is another issue, but that’s all the reason in the world to be happy. You are alive and should rejoice in that fact. You know life in a dungeon might not be worth it in the long run, but you on the other hand are sitting somewhere with an internet connection, not a hole in the ground I assume.
Literally look at the brighter side and realize that the world is not as bad as our inner sadness and fear would suggest. I despair like the next person, but I always air on the side of optimism.
I wrote this because the other day I despaired and felt devastating sadness and took the proverbial look around. I then said screw that I’m going to play with my son and borrow some of his I don’t give a crap cause I’m 3 years old juice. Love it.
Are you feeling down right now? I’ll let you borrow my "happy" song.
Thanks for the great writeup Paul. I really loved the last few paragraphs in particular. I think the best thing anyone with anxiety can do is take action. You’ve got to move, now! Do whatever you can to change the moment, and make it better for yourself. Life is just too short to wallow in the bad for long.
That’s so true. You can’t let it get you down otherwise it will beat you. Like everyone, my anxiety goes up and down on a regular basis – but within a week it’s gone and I’m back to relative normal…well, as normal as an anxiety sufferer can be!
“Some pursue happiness, others create it.” Don’t know whom this quote belongs to but it’s a good one. Love this post… and a new header too. 🙂
I’m glad you guys saw my point. I would never suggest that living with anxiety is easy, it is in fact exceedingly difficult.
But I also know that life isn’t long, tomorrow not promised, and all that. It’s true so I try to act like I really know that.
Nice post.
I’ve been “sick” (the same way you describe it) for over 4 years now. It’s hard to get out of bed and I can barely take care of myself. I thought this would pass, but here I am years later worse than ever….which makes it seem impossible to do some of the great ideas you suggested.
Start small, Rome wasn’t built in a day as they say. Geting out of bed is an achievment, making your breakfast, cleaning your teeth…slowly, with lots of effort, it will come back to you Kelly. I promise! Just get teh ball rolling. You will get better!
Hey Kelly, I know what you’re going through, literally. It is horrible, but it’s not forever.
Try to find things you really enjoy and develop that interest. Getting out of bed is step one, getting out of your own head and onto external things is step two. Hang in there!
Happiness is a choice, not a destination. Choose to be happy “now”. It really is that simple. However, people get caught up in looking outside themselves to find happiness, when really all they need to do is be quiet, be grateful for what they have currently and choose happiness. The good things in life aren’t only free, they are simple.
Thanks for your support, it’s very kind.
I actually don’t think happiness is a choice. Have you done much work with ACT therapy? It’s been one of the few things that has made sense to me in all this and has a lot of info on this type of thing.
@Kelly ACT Therapy seems interesting. Being in the “now” is the only true way to live. Also looking at the events in one’s life as synchronicity brought to us for a purpose is also a great way to view things.
Paul- thank you for this post! I totally appreciate it and have felt the same way. Taking action is key as well as acceptance.
How refreshing !!Your attutude is the one you have to adopt. I too after ten years of on and off suffering, came to find an inner peace with my turmoil. In a strange way it had to become my freind. I realised that if you suffer the right way, it is easier to carry and lasts not half as long. I no that i will always had preiods of stress that trigger my anxiety and panic. But its like anything you get used to the process, get to know what comes next!. Thank you for optimistic and hope provoking words
WOW, as I read some of your stories I can say I have been there. I was trashed for 4 years. I got to the point where I just told myself all I have to do is get to work…well more like get to the parking lot then I will deal with getting to the building. For real I was that anxious. I would crash through the doors and get to my office and shut the door. It took me almost to the point of destruction. How did I fix it… Simple…I started saying no to eveyone but me. A 6 month dose of Zoloft and I grabbed a smaller backpack. Backpack? Thats my metaphore for where I carry things. I chose what I wanted to carry. It was almost nothing at first. Then it grew. I imediately recognized when the load was too heavy and I unloaded the stressors. In reality everthing is stress some good and some bad. It takes weight to sink a boat. Even if it is good weight like gold or money. Well I ramble, but seriously unload some problems and take control. The phrase “that would be great but not right now” will free you.
I have anxiety. I guess I always had it but I never really noticed. To me constant worrying and panicking over little things is fine until I got married and moved out with my in laws. They started treating me differently and talked behind my back and all. This triggered my anxiety. I started losing sleep and getting more nervous and I got sick. Through all this I am the happiest person anyone would know about. I am not saying it is easy but you can always be happy no matter what life throws at you.