“Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained” — Robert Albert Bloch
The fact is you and me are going to die someday.
This prospect scares untold amounts of people, and I would venture to say that the vast majority of people have at least some fear of this inevitable personal tragedy.
But when you have an anxiety disorder it can actually creep into your mind on a regular basis and become a part of your stream of fear as Mr. Robert Bloch put it.
Constant worry and fear are just a part of having an anxiety disorder and if you were not always afraid of everything than you might say that something else was wrong with you. Anxiety can make you jumpy and afraid of your own shadow – so imagine then to be fearful of something that “regular” people fear just as much as you do.
This type of fear can be intense and recurring. Some argue that the fear of death is irrational, such as Albert Einstein, however there is a whole academic discipline of study which evaluates “death anxiety” so clearly it matters to a bunch of folks. So, if it is so irrational as some think, why are we so scared? According to a Chicago Tribune articlefrom 2006, there are four types of death fear.
1. Fear of Pain
2. Fear of the unknown
3. Fear of non existence
4. Fear of eternal punishment
5. A combination of the above
So the short answer is that we are scared because of one or a mix of these top 5 fears. Supposedly women are more fearful than men, religion offers little peace, and just about everyone has not worked it out so to speak.
The fear of death is actually very natural. After all, you are designed to stay alive. Many of our fears are also born from an overactive fight or flight response, which under normal circumstances could keep us alive in an emergency situation. Ever see a deer stop in it’s tracks, stare, and run like hell?
That is fight or flight at work. The same applies to our thoughts and how they work. You are ready for flight but there is nothing going on. This is what feeds and keeps your intense fears alive and the fear of death is really just another of those fears – it ain’t special.
When you think of death it scares you for obvious reasons, but also because all life desires to live to no small degree. This survival instinct is coded into the DNA of all living things including you. No one wants to die (for the most part) because part of your mission in life is to stay alive, pass on your genes, etc.
Then there is the obvious reasons for wanting to keep the party going, such as your family, kids, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, nature, sunny days, ice cream, etc. We grow really attached to these things and people and cannot imagine not having them, ever.
You fear death because it means the end of you, the end of all you know. But let me share with you my thoughts on life and not death to show you why you should fear less. As you know, people (carbon based life) are born of the same stuff that makeup stars. The universe and you are literally made from the same stuff.
You are but a very small part of that whole. Through out all of time (way before recorded history) people have lived and died. But so have all other forms of life. People have somehow successfully divorced themselves from nature. The truth is that in the grand scheme of things all life is equally valuable and fleeting.
Life comes to be then replenishes itself by destroying what came before it.
Before the 20th century death was a family affair. Traditionally the family handled the remains of a loved one in preparation for burial. Death was just a part of life. However, since those times death has become a dark secret kept in the basements of hospitals. It was more accepted in past centuries because no one pretended as if it was not a regular part of living.
I would like for you to lose at least some of your fear since you should know that all people that live and have ever lived have and do share this fate. I am not pushing any religious ideals here, just to say that we must all meet it and instead of soaking up the fear associated with it, we should instead focus on the life we have now.
Live in the moment and make note of your mortality. Not for the sake of celebration, but for the sake of gratitude. If you wake up every morning with this thought, this fear of death, let it serve you as a reminder of why you should be happy. Rejoice because you were given another day.
Fear can stop you from living fully and hopefully you see why you must always seek to see the good in all. It is all so fragile. Try to lead a life of smiles and hugs. Don’t allow anxiety and negative thoughts to always interrupt you and your pursuit of dreams, goals, and just plain fresh air. How many sunrises and sunsets will you see in your life?
Believe me that is not an astronomical number – you should live like you know this. Focus on your life, not the end of that life. Example, people who horde money shamelessly for “retirement” spend all their prime years breaking themselves so they can do lots of nothing in their golden years.
Trust me and live your life in balance with the notion of love, hope and gratitude filling your head. Be happy for what you do have and be thankful for each and everyday. Is death scary? Yeah it can be. But if you live your life as suggested you will have had a good life. Focus on the journey not the destination – because the journey is all we really have. I want you to be happy. Be happy you’re alive!
Hi Paul,
I just wanted to thank you so much for writing this and for your podcasts. I have been suffering from GAD for so long, it is such a comfort to hear you talk about the things I experience everyday that can scare me so badly. What a relief it is to hear you say that I’m not going crazy and that I will be ok. Thank you!
Christine
Thanks a lot Christine – I’m glad to hear that this blog is helping you. I know it can get lonely, but you are not alone.
Hello, I just wanted to thank you for your words. I was robbed a couple of years ago and I have been a wreck since. It has gradually become better with the time that has passed, but I still some times get a sudden fear out of no where that I am going to die! Your words have truly made me feel better! Thank you!
thanks for writing this blog. i have always thought about death ever since i turned 13, but i never looked for any help or tried searching for things. i always had an anxiety of not fulfilling something i wanted to and dying before it. but as you said in your article, live life to your fullest and be grateful that your still alive! thanks a lot paul. appreciate it.
Even as I read your blog, I worry as to why people have to die painfull deaths and silly deaths some that could have been avoidable? Why some people live very long and some short lives?Why do I have to be happy and enjoy life when death can come up knocking anytime? And what type of death will one face?
Its a cycle that is very bad and I constantly try to find explanations(if there are) to the priciples (if they exist) of who dies, who lives and how death comes to us.
I wasn’t like this. As a younger man I used to be so jolly and unafraid. I brag about how open minded I was about death comming anytime and me ready to go.
Since my marriage and baby, and the inception of my anxiety disorder I have been in constant fear of death,always too careful, and see the negative (harmful) part of everything.
Good write up though. Especially the 4 types of fear of death.
Thank you so much I was crying when I read this blog. I never use to suffer but since the birth my daughter I get so frightened I’m gonna die… Your blog has helped me to focus on today only to be happy and breath!!!!
A very wonderful write up. It is a medicine to life. If you can forward to my mail ‘Different reasons how people choose to die prematurely’. Thanks.
I’ve been going through the same thing I wake up feel good then I get pain somewhere and think I’m dying on top of having anxiety which makes everything worse then what it is I’ve been to the hospital three times now bc of pains. I was never like this before tho I thought of death like salmon we go out explore then come back have babies and die
hey guys. i have had anxiety disorder for a long time, and i’ve often thought about the nothingness after we die. It’s
scary. I’d like to share a few things, because I know how hard this can be.
Firstly, i heard something recently that hadn’t occurred to me before. It’s obvious now I think about it, but it was
wonderful to hear in my current condition. … That death is necessary so that there is room / resources on the planet for
our children. While I don’t have a child of my own yet, I do know that I will love my child more than I love myself. Please
don’t worry if you think nothing could be more powerful than this fear – this fear is magnified by anxiety, addressing the
anxiety will shrink this fear to its natural preset, that being as and when necessary to immediate survival.
What is powerful at its natural level is love, and the need to protect our little ones. So remember that our death is the
means by which our children can live. Let’s face it, nobody here considers life easy, we would all want our children to be
given the best chance at life, and death is just another way of doing that.
Another helpful thing happened just tonight, i ended up on a Winston Churchill quotations page. While his quotes aren’t
necessarily related to death, they inspire me to overcome my fear, no matter how long it takes, no matter what nastiness I
will experience. I’d recommend seeking out quotes from people who inspire you. Remember, there have been countless people
with countless types of hardships and problems and thoughts and fears. Take in their words, trust them, they’ve been there,
right? Ok, they may not have the same problems as us, but fear of death is the same sensation as the fear of heights, or
spiders. The courage to overcome tyranny requires the same will as the courage to overcome the fear of death. No matter how
deeply we think into something, trust me, somene has thought about it deeper. So take the pressure off your tired mind and
know that it’s all been discussed before, it’s been thought out, and written down. Seek it out, i absolutely guarantee this
will help you.
…
I may not know what death feels like, but I do know that literally anything I imagine is wrong. Sometimes I think of it as
eternal blackness, but it is no more black than it is pink polka dot, it is no more eternal than it is momentary, because
we are thinking about it from the point of view of being alive, where we have to imagine in terms of visuals, and time.
These don’t count in death, so whatever big and scary thing you’re imagining, it is absolutely, by it’s own nature, a
fiction I have created in my mind. Of course i’ve painted it as this big, bad thing … I have anxiety! I paint everything
as big and bad! This doesn’t mean it is! But the reality is, death is about as much a monster as it is Donald The Duck.
When was the last time you had a panic attack over Donald The Duck?
Therefore, it’s not death we are afraid of, we can’t possibly be, it’s the THOUGHT of death we are afraid of. And anxiety
makes our thoughts race, and blows them out of proportion. That’s all that is happening. So looking for answers about what
happens when we die isn’t going to solve our problem. We have to resolve anxiety … and what is anxiety? It’s nothing more
than a tired mind and tired nerves. That’s it. You don’t have to go anywhere near a philosophy of death to recognise that
truth. From a LOT of reading and talking to people, the best advice, indeed, the only advice you need, about what to do in
a state of anxiety is this …
Do nothing.
Why is this good advice? Because anxiety is about fight or flight. If you entertain neither, it has no more power. I was
told this a long time ago, and it did take me a long time to get my head around. But like any idea, once you get it, you
get it. When it clicks, and it will, there’s no unclicking it, it’s been realised and you can count on it.
If you start to feel panic, let yourself panic. It’s as natural a function as a sneeze. It can’t kill you. If you try to
fight it down, the pressure you are putting yourself under will just keep your nerves in a tired state. If you try to avoid
it, you’re subconsciously telling yourself that it IS something to fear. When it isn’t, it’s JUST adrenaline. So do
nothing, label it as anxiety and let it do what it likes.
Believe me, I KNOW how hard this can be, because ‘fight or flight’ is exactly as it says on the tin. You want to fight or
run away, your instincts are saying you should. Instincts are strong. But on this occasion, your instincts are confused.
There are no lions or tigers. Just our modern day stresses, for which this sort of response isn’t necessary. Luckily you
have other tools besides instincts. Common sense, information, courage. And yes, you are courageous. You made it through
childhood, you made it through yesterday, and you made it to the end of this sentence. Don’t tell me you don’t have the
courage to face tomorrow. You damn well do. And since you have tomorrow, you have the opportunity to overcome your fear.
When you start panicking, or thinking about death, do nothing. Float over the sensations and the thoughts. The less you
react to them, the less power they have. Even though this might seem impossible sometimes, keep going back to it,
practicing it. Let yourself be negative, anxious, fearful, it’s okay, it’s just an expression of anxiety. Let it do what it
likes for the time being, once it picks up on the fact that you’re paying it less attention, it’ll be like it gets bored
and starts putting in less effort, eventually going away. Beat your anxiety, and your fear of death will follow.
Please trust this. I’ve been through so much, and all of it similar to what you are going through, and I really feel for ya, but you’ll all be okay, I promise.
I began suffering from panic attacks & gad about a year ago. I have a 3 yr old & ever since this started, I now have a fear of dying from a heart attack & not being able to raise my little boy. I’ve NEVER feared death until the attacks, which exactly mimic a heart attack & honestly, I think I’m still in denial that it’s not my heart due to my horrible cholesterol & awful family history of heart attacks. I’m trying to live in the now & enjoy the time I have with my little guy, but it seems like it’s always at the back of mmy mind. I hate all of this & just want to be/feel “normal” again!
I have never suffered from severe anxiety though I would consider myself a worrier. This fear of death / the unknown hit me out of nowhere and has really hung on over the last week. What you wrote as been the most helpful thing I have found and I feel almost normal again. I came here for the original post, but your comment has been more helpful than you can imagine. I just wanted to say thank you and I hope you are doing well. When I feel myself getting anxious about this topic I remind myself to stop imagining the worst it is in itself unfathomable.
I had a severe anxiety attack 10 months ago. I thought I was having a heart attack, ever since then I feel every small pain in my body and think there is something wrong and I am dying. I fight this and tell myself that there is nothing wrong. I have had blood work and got a clean bill of health. When I get these feelings I still think there is something wrong and try to find something wrong when I know there is not. Why do we get these feelings. I refuse to take medications I believe god is there and he will get me through this without meds. It is a better feeling know that I am not the only one that feels this way. Thank you everyone for all your post.
Thank you so, so much!
Welcome Alex!
Three months ago I started experiencing severe anxiety/panic attacks due to my employment. Sought immediate help. Began therapy and other non-pharmaceutical relief. Stopped working there. I began to feel better gradually until I developed this irrational fear of death about 2 weeks ago. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. I know the reality of death exists, but it has never affected me like this. I just want to feel normal again. Trying to find ways to stop it. Never had this issue before.
nothing seems to calm my fear of death
Hey Robert, this is perhaps the biggest fear we all have. I stayed focused on living and what I can do today. I suppose that is all we can do rather than try and ward off death with fear.
Just turned 50 and the fear of death hit me. I dont even want to get out of bed. Trying to find help. The only thing seems to calm the fear is sex. Totally takes my mind off death. Im afraid of the nothingness and not being.aware.
Hi All,
I feel so much better knowing that there are so many others that feel as I do. I had my first panic attack in January. After going to the emergency room several times and being told that after every kind of test possible, they found me that (although I have a pre-existing heart condition) everything else was fine. I was convinced that they didn’t do their jobs because there is something wrong with me. So for about 2 weeks I felt detached from everything including myself. It wasn’t until about a month ago that I became obsessed with the idea of me dying. I pray hoping it will work , I wonder how I will die, what day it’s going to be, how will people react, etc. I also get really scared when I think about my grandmothers and aunts that have passed away and whether they are coming for me. I feel anxious just when I hear the word die whether someone on television is saying it or if someone is talking about it to me in person. I really try to overcome these thoughts and reason with myself but to no avail. I really have this feeling no matter what I’m doing. It will pop up. I can be shopping and find something I really like and I get to the register excited about the purchase and my mind will tell me “you won’t be here to wear it”. I am so tired of feeling this way. I really want to cry sometimes because I feel so overwhelmed. Is there anyone that feels it to this degree?
Thanks Paul for the encouraging words !!!!
What do you do when you want to die, but your fear of death is the only thing keeping you alive? Is fear of death then considered a good thing?
Hai Stacey. I feel exactly like that everyday, sometimes my chest would feel like ts closing or shutting down and i would feel lile i am go8ng to die.i font even want to hear the word die or death because i becomw soo anxious. M tored of feelinv like everyday is my last day on earth.😢😢😢😢