About two weeks ago I was watching a t.v. show on the History channel about American prisoners of war and it got me thinking.
One of the most poignant moments in the show was when one of the former prisoners was talking about how his experience had helped him. He said it helped him to know himself better, he learned to deal with adversity, and if he had to do it all over again he would.
He described how he was kept in solitary confinement for months; the darkness of the cell, the tapping communication code he and his comrades developed to encourage one another. The story was moving.
Afterward, I got to thinking about my own adversity. My trials with anxiety. I wondered if this experienced had helped me any.
Now, I’m in no way comparing having an anxiety disorder to being locked up in a North Vietnamese dungeon circa 1962. I’m just thinking adversity, hardship, does it in fact build character? I think in some ways it can.
But if you asked me if I would do the last 10 years anxious again – I’d have to say hell no.
Believe me, I’ve thought about anxiety and what it means intensely for several years. And, in my case, it has helped me to build character. It has helped to know myself more, to be in tune with what I can endure. To have faith in myself. But I definitely would not do it all over again.
Nonetheless, I’ve learned that I am stronger than I thought I was. So, I’ve gained some, but I’ve also lost some. This is an interesting reflection to engage in when you think about it. Most loath anxiety, but perhaps most of us have gained something positive from it.
What do you think? Has it helped you build character?
Or has it simply been a useless source of torment for you?
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I suppose if you put a positive spin on anxiety disorder, it can make you dig deep inside yourself to find the courage to do things that are difficult or uncomfortable, but I would much rather be without it. I have found that it has made me an angry person at times, because I miss the way I used to be – even though I wasn’t a totally carefree person, I was able to hop on a plane and see new places, chair meetings at work, and do a ton of other things. Nowadays, when a friend goes on a winter getaway, I find myself being angry for days at what they can do and I can’t. Even though I have many blessings in my life, some things just really set me off, and although I know it is my problem and not theirs, I still get angry and upset at their freedom. I wouldn’t tell them the way I feel since I don’t want to end up with no friends, but it takes me a few days to let the feelings find their way to the background instead of bothering me so much.
I don’t know where all of this anxiety came from, but I do know having Fibromyalgia or any other chronic condition causes one to lose faith in what their body will allow them to accomplish on any given day. It is sort of like the poor mouse in the maze that gets a random shock at odd intervals – since you don’t know when or what is coming, it causes an uneasiness that somedays just doesn’t want to leave.
I think that it can. I think it has been a great trial for me though, like you say, I haven’t really enjoyed it and wouldn’t live it again. It has forced me to reflect on myself and the innermost workings of my psyche. It does take real courage to face an anxiety problem. I guess if you can face terror then that shows you are made of stuff – even if the object of your terror is merely an illusion. However, there are those that can’t summon the strength to do that I suppose. I know one such guy and he pretty much gives into the anxiety. I think at the end of the day you have a choice – see it positively and through positive thought you may defeat the fear. Or you can treat it as a negative experience and let it consume you.
Sue, Missing the “old you,” now I can certainly relate to that. People always tell me how different I am now, etc. It is a struggle, especially when you can remember a time when anxiety was not the focus of your life.
Andy, you made a great point about having a choice – bingo! You can either accept the status quo or forge ahead and try to make the best of things.
Thank you both for your thoughtful reflections… told you this was an interesting thought to ponder.
I say this is all good and bad, but I wish there were better ways to get in touch with the inner me – lol.
I think getting better from anxiety is a matter of perspective. Like anything, you can take it and turn it into a negative and implode, or you can take it and learn from it and create a wonderful life.
I believe that we can progress as far up as we were down in the past. It’s just a matter of figuring how to let go of the anxiety and live life instead of attempting to control our lives by engaging in self-blame.
I was lazy and very self-centered when I was really anxious; now that my anxiety is reducing for a variety of reason, that energy is being converted into the real world, where things are going quite well. I used to be the outcast and loser at work, and now I’m indispensable.
So, if you’re struggling with finding the good, it’s there; perhaps you just don’t know where to look yet.
Good post.
Depression, made me really lazy, and I just stopped caring about things that I liked, it was an odd sort of apathy about things. If something good happens that did life my mood for sometime, ; however , I sink back to depression. I also slept and ate a lot.
There is lots of downside to anxiety. However, I have always thought that my anxiety kept me on the straight and narrow. I was not swayed into drugs because I knew they would worsen my anxiety bringing on paranoia. Even my alcohol consumption was less than my friends. I need to be in control. So, there is a benefit for ya.